Page 65 of Saving Barrette

Believe it or not, that’s not coming from Barrette. That’s from the group of girls and their parents next to us at Portage Bay Café. Perks of being a UW football player, we got to skip the lines and they got us a table right away. Only problem is that you’d think we were royalty because every girl around twenty seems to know who I am.

Seated beside me picking at a plate of french toast, Barrette says very little to the conversation around us. The one where Terrell is telling Joey about the Bahamas and swimming with the pigs. Last year the team went to the Bahamas for spring break as a bonding experience. I hear none of that. What I hear is the unsettling nervousness of Barrette and the way she’s not eating. I know her, and I know where her mind is going. She’s scared of what all this means now that it’s out in the open.

I smile at the girls, give them an autograph, a picture, and then I wrap my arm around Barrette. My touch is welcomed, at least I think it is when she melts against my frame.

Terrell looks at the two of us and winks. “So, B… spring break? Whatta say ya come to Baton Rouge with us?”

She looks at Terrell, then me. “You’re going?”

I swallow. Shit. “I uh.” I glare at Terrell. “I hadn’t committed to it yet.” Picking up my napkin, I toss it at his head. “Dick.”

He laughs. “He’s telling you the truth. He didn’t.” And then leans in with his hand on Joey’s. “It’d be fun if we all went.”

Conversation fills around the table of Baton Rouge, but I can’t tell how Barrette feels about anything, let alone Baton Rouge. Anxiety gnaws at me. Needing to know if she’s okay, I lean in and place my hand on her thigh. She jumps, her body tensing. All of her. It’s like she doesn’t even recognize my touch, let alone me. Her head turns, her expression cloudy. She’s elsewhere.

I remove my hand, my posture rigid.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, shaking her head and curling into my side. “I don’t know what that was.”

“It’s all right.” I’m hesitant, but I kiss her forehead. I press my lips to her warm skin and I keep them there, hoping it’s a reassurance she needs that I’m nothing like the guys who took advantage of her. I’d never harm her in any way.

Joey notices the change in Barrette’s behavior and smiles at her. “Hey, B. Wanna get pedicures while they’re at their position meetings?”

Barrette nods, smiling. “I’d like that.”

I pay for breakfast while Barrette and Joey use the restroom.

“What the fuck?” I slap my hand against Terrell’s chest. “Why’d you do that?”

He stares at me, blank-faced but smiling. “I’m sorry, but yous need to buck the fuck up and take that girl out. Not this shit where you take her to fuckin’ brunch.”

In theory, he’s right. I should take her out on a real date, but that’s not what’s bothering me. Barrette’s reaction is. “I know that, but she spent all of spring break last year in the hospital from an anxiety attack while we were living it up.” It’s just another example of all the times I haven’t been there for her when I wished I had been.

Terrell leans his massive shoulder into the wall outside the restaurant and squints into the sun. Blowing on a breath, he shrugs. “I didn’t mean anything by it, but you can’t always protect her, nor should you feel guilty about when you’re not with her.”

I’m not convinced. Barrette and Joey exit the restaurant and onto the street. I watch her walk toward me, picking apart her every mannerism. She smiles, and it’s genuine. It’s not forced.

“We’re gonna go get pedicures,” Joey says.

Terrell wraps both his burly arms around her. “My favorite color is red.”

“Boy, I’m not painting my nails your favorite color.” She flips her dark hair over her shoulder. “I’m my own person.”

I take a moment to look around. The streets are crowded, people bumping into us as they pass by, while the smells of salt and sea invades my senses. I watch Barrette beside me, my body blocking hers from the people passing by us. Her eyes are on mine.

“I’m okay,” she whispers, her hands gripping the front of my jacket. I believe her. I have no reason not to. “I think an afternoon with Joey is what I need.”

I nod, winking at her. “You do. Try to relax.”

A smile finds its way to her lips. “You too.”

“I think that can be arranged.” My hands make their way to her hips and I yank her against my chest. She breathes in, pressing her cheek to my heart. “Can I see you after practice?”

“I would love that. You can help me study.”

Chuckling, I draw back. “We never actually get any studying done.”

“Who says I want to actually study?”

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