Page 80 of Saving Barrette

“Oh, I know,” he says, a haughty edge to his tone. There’s one thing about Asa that hasn’t changed. His confidence. “How about I show them exactly who you belong to.”

“I think you did with that kiss.” I fan myself playfully. “I’m still recovering.”

He snorts and grabs my hand. “Come on. Let’s go wish the old guy happy birthday.”

I follow him, because he’s dragging me through the crowd, and we find our way over to Joey and Terrell at the bar.

“Here!” Joey hands me some fruity-looking drink. “It’s fucking delicious!”

“It’s thirty dollars, it better be,” Terrell notes, always careful of his spending. Terrell literally came from nothing. If it hadn’t been for his incredible football talent, there would have been no way for him to go to college. Because of that, he learned early on how to pinch pennies. He budgets out every single expense down to how much we use in electricity every month. Don’t ever go grocery shopping with him. It’s depressing. He says no to everything good.

Reaching for a shot on the bar, Asa slaps his hand on Terrell’s shoulder. “Lighten up.” And then his eyes are on mine as he downs the shot. I look at the drink in my hand. I can do this. I can. I’m with my friends. I’m safe with my friends and they’re not going to leave me. More importantly, I can have one drink and stop there, right?

So, I take a drink. And it’s freaking delicious. Before I know it, it’s gone and I’m giggling. My cheeks are flushed and newfound heat courses through my body. One I’m familiar with, but it’s more than that. I’m… horny? I don’t know if that’s the right word but all I can think about is having sex with Asa.

He watches me closely, his hands never far from my body and it only makes it worse. “You’re adorable,” he tells me when I try to convince him I will, in fact, skinny dip in the ocean if he wants. He searches my face, then my lips. “What do you say we find our way back to our room?”

I sigh with relief. “Yes.”

Joey notices we’re leaving and smiles. “Be good, kids.”

I wink. I have a plan. Maybe not a good one, but it’s a plan.

LIQUID COURAGE ISa thing. It totally is. Something about that fruity drink relaxed me enough that I’m going to get outside my own head for a night. And I’m going to go down on my boyfriend.

In our room, Asa stumbles around, he too feeling the effects of the sun and drinks he had at the bar. I laugh when he falls back against the bed, his shirt off, board shorts hanging low on his hips. He looks delicious.

After stripping out of my bikini, I step toward him completely naked. I kneel at the end of the bed and slide my hands up his thighs under his shorts. He lifts up on his elbows, smiling down at me. Thick strands of his hair fall against his forehead and he winks at me.

I bite my lips, trying to find that little boost of courage I know I’m going to need to make this next part happen. I can do it. I know I can. I will not fear it. With a deep breath in, I move my hands to the band of his shorts and tug. He lifts his hips and allows me to slide them off along with his boxers.

Believe it or not, I haven’t spent a lot of time staring at his penis, and never this close that I can remember. My head is level with him. He sits up and tries to pull me onto the bed.

I shake my head. “I want to try something,” I whisper, my hands returning to his thighs. I’m not sure he knows where I’m going with this because I’ve never initiated this kind of thing. A couple of months back, he went down on me, which I thoroughly enjoyed, but I couldn’t return the favor.

Until now.

I take him in my hand, my mouth inches from him and suddenly he’s hard as a rock, his eyes wide. His hands fly to mine. He sits up. “You don’t have to do that.”

I smile and lick my lips. “Something tells me you want me to.”

He swallows hard, blinking slowly. His eyes are heavy with desire. “I uh....”

It’s nice to see him at a loss for words. I look up at him. “Just relax.”

His chest rises and falls quickly, but his hands fall away and flatten on the bed as he leans back slightly, giving me room. “Okay.”

My heart pumps wildly in my chest, heat coursing through me. I lean forward, my lips pressing to the head of his penis. Asa gasps, his hands gripping the sheets. And then it’s his reaction that pushes me forward and gives me the rest of the courage I need to take him in my mouth.

But then I pause and pull back an inch. “I don’t know how to do this,” I admit, my hands shaking. I look up at him.

His eyes find mine. He swallows again, but he doesn’t say anything. Maybe he’s stunned speechless by seeing me with my mouth on him.

I lean forward again, one hand at the base of his penis and then lower my mouth on him, sliding my tongue against him in the process. It’s awkward and makes me want to gag when I feel his hips twitch. “Jesus Christ,” he pants, and he hits the back of my throat by his movement.

I gag that time, but I keep doing it because of his reaction. I had no idea I could make him feel like this, out of breath and squirming. I struggle to breathe. It’s like someone is choking me, but he’s not touching me. I notice the whites of his knuckles gripping the sheet. It’s a flash of a memory and hands I fear. Not his, but it’s a reminder, one I hadn’t been expecting and sets into motion what I didn’t want to happen. It builds and builds and soon, like usual, the anxiety, the rush, the need to run away from the ever-present pressure in my chest, it surfaces out of nowhere and tears surface. Before I know it, I’m crying, but I refuse to stop. I want to push through it and find a means to an end. Maybe if I keep going, I can push through to the other side and finally give myself to him completely, with no restrictions.

Asa notices. He tries to stop me. “Hey, hey, look at me.”

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