Page 12 of Roan

Tears stream down my cheeks. I hate him in that moment for making me feel this way. It’s certainly not the first or the last time he’s going to evoke this emotion in me.

“And I told you to leave.”

I try not to flinch as his harshness. I straighten my shoulders. “Then why’d you kiss me back there?”

The smirk returns. He swallows, then draws in a heavy breath and lets it out slowly, leaning into me. I can smell the alcohol on his breath. He’s drunk. “Because I needed to know that he wasn’t the last person you kissed.”

“So we’re back to that?” Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Devyn. She’s watching us, annoyance written on her face, at not only Shade being occupied, but that I’m talking to Roan.

Roan leans in, his lips grazing my ear as he whispers, “We never moved on from it.”

“And we never will with you, but it’s funny how easily we skipped pastyourinfidelity.” My heart pounds so heavily in my ears now I barely register what I said, or the tone I use, just that words pushed past my lips.

Both his brows shoot up. He laughs, finding amusement in them and steps back. “Infidelity? That’s cute.” He gives me a tight smile. “You’re not my girlfriend, and you’re certainlynotmy wife. It wasn’t infidelity.”

I’ve never had someone make me feel as inadequate and stupid as Roan manages. I’ve also never had anyone show me love the way he can. He gives Jekyll and Hyde a run for their money for sure. “So then me sleeping with your brother shouldn’t have been a big deal.”

I didn’t say Tiller for a reason. I said brother to dig the knife in, just as he had by saying I wasn’t his girlfriend.

He backs up completely. Cold runs through my veins at his lack of heat. “It wasn’t. Just a reality check that I shouldn’t have been messing around with someone so young.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.” Feeling a full-on panic attack approaching, I brush past him, and toward Devyn. “You ready to go?”

She glances toward the pool where Shade is with about twenty women all pining for his attention, and then hooks her arm around mine. “Yeah, lost my chance with him.” She notices the tears while we’re looking for my dad and my keys. “What happened?”

I brush them away. “Nothing. Just Roan, being Roan.”

She sighs, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “I told you not to get wrapped up with him.”

“You came to this party looking to hook up with Shade.”

“He’s Shade….” She says this as if his name alone should justify it, and with most, it does because the name alone registers with just about everyone, aside from me.

“Let’s just find my dad and get out of here.”

We find him in the driveway trying to talk Tiller off a dirt bike given how drunk he is. He reaches over and pulls the spark plug out. “Get off, Tiller.”

Tiller points his finger in my dad’s face accusingly. “Put that back!”

Soon there will be a full-on argument between them and I want no part of it. Being nearly three thousand miles away from this place is sounding better every second.

The moment my dad spots me, his concern for my tears presents. “What’s wrong?”

Oh, nothing. I fucked that guy you’re trying to get off the bike and destroyed the other one.Of course I don’t say that because if my dad really knew everything that’s happened to me at these parties, he’d never let me step foot within this place. “I’m just tired and Devyn has curfew.”

“Have you been drinking?”

I shift my weight from one foot to the other. “I had three shots.”

Devyn curls her arm around my shoulder and takes my keys. “I’ve had nothing to drink but water. I’ll drive.”

Dad winks at her and gives her the keys, but we’re watching Tiller as he slides his hips forward on the bike and smiles at us behind my dad’s back. He’s such a fool.

With the help of Ricky and my dad, cars are moved so we can get out. As we’re driving past the gates, leaving behind what I should have closed the door to a long time ago, I can’t help but think maybe this is for the better. Maybe that’s why I came here tonight. To get closure on something I knew wasn’t healthy or lasting.

My mistake is thinking it’s over and he can’t wreak havoc on my heart. It’s a lie. He can. He does. He’s imprinted into my heart and is forever a part of my soul.

Loving, but not really.

---