Page 23 of Roan

And before I know it, summer fades to fall and I still haven’t heard from her. At this point you might be thinking, Jesus, when are they going to get their shit together?

Ha. That’s funny. Let me know when it happens because I’m dying to know too.

As the days bleed into weeks and wildfires take over Los Angeles county, I return to freestyle racing momentarily, and because his life is lived in either extreme excess or extreme discontent, Tiller overdoses on cocaine. You knew that was coming, didn’t you?

Me too. But believe it or not, I didn’t want Tiller to die. I just didn’t like him and that probably would never change. We were destined to never get along.

No matter how many times I want to blame Tiller for what happened with Ophelia, I can’t. We all played a part in the annihilation of whatever Ophelia and I had, and it seemed it’d become a game of who could hurt each other more. I’d been devastated that she believed the lie. Maybe that’s why when she once again told me she had slept with someone, I couldn’t handle the fact that I might have lost her for good. I knew she’d be heading back to college and I couldn’t exactly tell her to forget her life there and be with me. So I pushed her away.

As for Tiller, I wanted answers and I knew how to get them. After a fight with Amberly, Ricky finds him near dead having wrecked his Ducati. I visit him in the hospital because I know there, he can’t use Ricky as a scapegoat. I can finally get an answer to his disloyalty.

Ricky stops me outside the room, his hand on my chest. He stares at me, like he knew I’d come here and do this today. “Roan, maybe now’s not a good time?”

My eyes flare with hatred. “Now’s a perfect time.”

Groaning, Ricky steps out of the way. “Don’t kill him.”

He’s there, laid up, hand-cuffed, bruised, practically dead, yet I don’t feel anything but anger when I look at him. I’m not sure why that is. Maybe I’m disappointed in him?

Well, yeah, I am.

Closing the door behind me, I step on his catheter, purposefully. “I don’t like you.”

He blows out a quick breath, his eyes jetting to my foot on his catheter. “Nothing new.”

I try so fucking hard to find reason in what he did, why he did it, an understanding in his logic, but I can’t. Even nearly two years later. I’m just angry with the entire situation. “Shut the fuck up. Just listen.”

Tiller isn’t hearing it and lifts his cuffed hand. “Ordinarily I wouldn’t, but I’m handcuffed to the bed.”

I glare at him.

“What?” He sighs, as if he can’t possibly remember why I would hate him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

I chew on the words before I ask them. Tiller never thinks about anyone but himself. It’s a product of growing up the way we did and having everything handed to you. That’s not to say he hasn’t worked hard to find his place in the spotlight, but he’s constantly pushing past the limits and that landed him here. Limits he had no business pushing and it all comes back to him taking her. “Why did you do it?” I ask, feeling like finally he might give me an answer.

“You’re gonna have to be more specific than that.” He’s uninterested, worn out, his sleepy eyes closing briefly.“Apparently, if you ask everyone else, I’m a fuck up, and I’ve done a lot of shit.”

He certainly isn’t wrong, is he? He’s destroyed a lot in the last few months, including any relationship he might have had with Amberly, but haven’t we all? I demand an answer. “Why’d you fuck O?”

Sighing, he shakes his head subtly. “Shit. This again? Just let it go.”

“No. Fuck you.” I plant my foot on his catheter again, but this time I don’t give it any slack.

Tiller grabs his junk, a scream emitting from him. A nurse whips open the door, her frantic eyes on mine as the door smacks me in the back. “What’s wrong?”

I turn my head. “None of your goddamn concern. Get the fuck out.” I kick the door shut with my foot and lean in, my hand on his neck. The steady pulse of his heart thumps wildly against my fingertips. “Why did you do it?” I seethe. “You know what she means to me.”

“You fucked that reporter, so she was looking for payback and I was a willing participant.” He’s turning blue so I let go of him, straightening my posture. “Don’t overthink it. It wasn’t planned. It just happened.”

I can understand, in part, how things just happen. You’re drunk, there’s a girl, it’s easy. I’ve been there time and time again, but never with someone one of my brothers has been involved with. One time I had an opportunity with Amberly Johnson. But I didn’t touch her. Okay, I kissed her, but that’s as far as it went. Had I pushed the issue, maybe more would have happened, but still, I couldn’t do it knowing Tiller had something with her. “How would you feel if I fucked Amberly and took her virginity?” I ask, turning the question around on him.

There’s a flit of emotion in his eyes, fleeting, but for a brief second, I think he considers it. “I already did, so too late.”

I smile. “I had my chance a year ago. I could have. How the fuck would you have felt then?”

His mind goes there. I know it does. Look at him with the clenched jaw and face flooding with suppressed anger. For once, he finally gets it.

I add salt to the wound when I growl, “I kissed her.” Let him think about that. I don’t give a shit how it made him feel.

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