Page 80 of Roan

“Yeah,” I finally say.

Again, he’s quiet, but then smiles. “Do you like it?”

“Yeah, man, it’s good.” I ruffle his hair. “Come on, dude. I’ll let you run the tractor. Just don’t hit the shop this time.”

“Deal.”

Thankfully, that’s where the conversation ends. For now.

I didn’t give much thought to the reason why Ophelia and I weren’t together other than she had been with Agustin. But it was more than that. It started with that fucking lie. The reason I lost everything. My sanity, her love. And, if I’m careful, it can end there. I know that. Even though we don’t talk about, it’s still hanging over us like a big, fat dark cloud.

I know she wants to know more about how it started, but she doesn’t dare ask and I wonder what she knows. Had she realized the truth and isn’t telling me? It eats at me for weeks.

Two nights before the X Games, Carl comes to me while Ophelia is staying at her parents’ house, to which I strongly disagreed and sent her many texts expressing my disappointment, and my dick’s, that she wouldn’t be in my bed tonight.

All that aside, Carl looks confused, doesn’t he? I try to rack my brain and think if I’ve done anything stupid lately that he would have had to get me out of. Surprisingly, it isn’t from him trying to figure out whose car I borrowed and who to return the keys to either.

“I need to talk to you,” he says, motioning with a nod outside.

I hand over the remote to River, who had been sitting next to me. “You can watchFrozen, but when I get back, we’re watchingSports Center.”

Taking the remote from me, she rolls her eyes. “No we’re not.”

I scowl at her and she glares right back at me.

There’s no arguing with an almost seven-year-old. I’ve tried. It’s about as smooth as arguing with a four-year-old, who, by the way, is next to River. Because I have no life tonight, I’m on kid duty while everyone else gets pussy. Fuckers.

Anyways, Carl pulled me outside and one look at him and I know I’m in trouble. “What’s up?” I ask, sitting down next to the bar. I don’t reach for a drink.

He sighs, sits across from me and lays it on me. “I’m going to tell Ophelia what happened in Athens.”

“You don’t have to do that. She hasn’t even mentioned it.”

Nodding, he swallows thickly, then draws in a labored breath. “I know, but she deserves to know the truth.” He snorts, shaking his head, his eyes distant. “I remember when she was born, head full of thick black hair, full cheeks, olive skin… she was the most precious thing in the world to me and she wasn’t even mine. I had no part in creating her, but I did. If it wasn’t for me, both she and her mother would have died. I thought to myself, I’ll do anything to protect this little girl, even if it means lying about where she came from to save her from feeling an ounce of pain. But… I couldn’t even do that. And then after we told her, I told myself, that’s it, I won’t keep anything from her again.”

I think back to that night in Athens, that in many ways, was much like any other night at a motocross event. Women, drugs, alcohol, and a whole lot of bad decisions. For the first time in the ten years Carl had been with me traveling, he made a lapse in judgment and slept with that ESPN reporter. It wasn’t all his doing. She’d been throwing herself at him for months, and he let it happen that night. I was there, turned my head and acted like I didn’t see anything.

We walked out of that trailer, Carl following me and Tiller saw the girl too. He immediately assumed it was me and I let him. You know why.

“I don’t think you need to bring it up again,” I tell him. “It’s done.”

He pats my shoulder. “I’m not asking for your permission. I’m telling you, it’s time she knows it was me all along.”

Maybe it’s a good thing she’s not here tonight. I’m not sure I want to know what her reaction is going to be. “When are you going to tell her?”

“Tonight. I’m heading out to dinner with her and Valarie.”

I push away from the bar and walk inside the house. I sit down next to River again and she curls up next to me. Constantly battling for her own attention, Berlin cuddles up to my other side and there I sit, watching a talking snowman try to get his nose back from a reindeer. All I can think about is, doing this very same thing with the babies I’m going to knock Ophelia up with, and how she’s going to take the news of her dad’s infidelity.

I think about what I’d do in his situation. Would I tell my daughter if I cheated on her mom? It’s a tough situation for a man to be in. I wouldn’t want her to look in my eyes and see anything less than a hero.

Hero aside, I’m babysitting and sadly, trying to help potty train a very stubborn newly four-year-old. Fun fact for ya, Berlin screams bloody fucking murder when you change her wet pants. I have no idea why. You’d think she’d want to be dry. “Why does she do this?” I ask River, like she should know. “And why isn’t she potty trained yet?”

River, who has her hands held over her ears, pulls them away. “What?” and then quickly slaps them back covering her ears.

A lot of help she is. While I wrestle a Berlin, River becomes irritated to epic levels. She stomps away toward the couch, wraps her blanket around her head and sits there with her arms crossed over her chest. “I don’t want a baby sister.”

Baby sister? Huh. Maybe she knows something I don’t. On any account, I can’t help but notice how much River is like Tiller.

---