Page 57 of Dirt Driven

“I, uh… Caden….” Mom’s voice faded, unable to finish her sentence. I wasn’t sure I wanted her to.

The guy seated directly in front of us turned around, his eyes widened in fear. “Carson came out of two flipping and Sweet had nowhere to go, or didn’t see him.”

My focus stayed on the track, safety officials rushing to them. Commotion was all around the cars, the lights flickering with the tears forming in my eyes. I couldn’t look away from the cars. Caden’s car was on its side, the wing torn off and Rager’s car up against the top of his roll cage. He’d hit Caden’s car directly on its top.

Please be okay, I prayed.Please!

I could see Lane near Rager’s car now, his hand on his head, the other holding a phone to his ear. Dad was at the wreck now, his helmet still on having ditched his car in turn two, along with Casten, all three of them huddled around the cars.

I scanned the crowd around us, some staring to see what we’d do next, some taking videos. Knox woke up, squirming in my mom’s arms and for some reason, Pace and Bristol became quiet, their stares on Rager’s car. “What’s wrong?” Bristol asked, watching me, waiting to see what her reaction should be. I didn’t want to scare them. I didn’t want them to hold the same fear I did knowing this was bad. I’ve heard my brothers talk about the sickening feeling that settles over you when you know a crash is bad. I’d never experienced it, until now.

I pulled Bristol and Pace closer. “It’s okay.” That was all I could manage to say.I was trying to remain calm, but I couldn’t help my voice from trembling.

Mom held onto Hudson who was squirming all over the place.

Beside me, Kinsley gasped. “Why haven’t they gotten them out of the cars? What’s taking so long?”

My body tensed, the silence around us seeming deafening. “I… uh….” I didn’t have an answer for her.

The look on her face as she waited for me to respond was like nothing I had ever seen before. My heart ached, feeling like it’d been torn in two. I wanted to be supportive and spring into action. I wanted to be the role model for her she needed, but I couldn’t. Not in those moments. Not when my future was suddenly up against the wall.

I drew in a quick breath, trying to calm myself. The air around us began to settle, dirt from the cars caked on my face, and when I wiped my eyes, trying to clear my vision of the scene before me, it scrapped against my skin. No. This wasn’t happening. Caden was fine. My husband was fine.

I couldn’t stand here and wait. I had to do something. I had to get to Rager. Shifting my weight, I pushed the kids toward my mom and Hayden. “I’m going down there.”

“I’ve got the kids, Arie.” Mom held up her hand, her phone in her palm. “Take Kinsley down with you.”

Kinsley started undoing the straps of the baby carrier and handed Grace off to Hayden. “What’s happening? Are they okay? Why haven’t they gotten them out yet?”

I kissed the top of each kids head and stared at my mom, waiting for an answer. “Why?”

“They’re calling in a CareFlight,” Mom whispered, her eyes darting from the kids at our feet to me, waiting on our reactions.

No. God no.This couldn’t be happening. Not to us. Not again. “F-For who?” I stuttered, tears stinging my eyes.

“Both,” Mom whispered.

Kinsley stared back at me in horror. “What does that mean? Why would they call in a lifeline?”

Mom snapped into action. “Hayden and I will take the kids to the motor home. You two go.”

I couldn’t answer her. Or maybe it was that I didn’t want to. Grabbing Kinsley’s hand, I motioned with a nod toward the track. “Let’s go.”

DOWN IN THEpits, everything was quiet, all fearing the worst. Lane, Tommy, and all the other crew keys stood in silence, looking to Dad as to what we did next. They’d call the race as is.

“How’d he look?” I asked Lane, who looked pale and ready to throw up as he loaded the mule into the back of the hauler.

There had never been a moment in my life when I’d been more scared, desperate for answers. I pictured Rager’s face in my head, the image of him on the ground this morning, playing with the boys.

Please, God. Don’t take him from us. I’m begging you.

Lane ran a shaky hand through his hair. “He wasn’t conscious, Arie.” He swallowed, emotion building. His entire body was shaking, and I realized right then, I’d never seen Lane like this. So… nervous. “They said they’re taking them to Miami Valley.”

“Okay, well…” I breathed in, though it felt constricted, my eyes darting around the pits and the thick cloud of dust the helicopter had left stirring. “What about Caden? Did he say anything? Was he awake?”

Zac, who’d been the closest to Caden’s car, looked at me, Kinsley, and shook his head. He either knew and didn’t want to say, or didn’t.

Kinsley was nearing a panic attack and I realized she still had the baby in the pack. I don’t know what happened, but in the commotion, she hadn’t given Grace over to Hayden like I thought she had. “I’m freaking out.” Kinsley sobbed, gasping for breaths. “Is he okay? Where are they going to take him?”

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