Page 61 of Dirt Driven

Her bloodshot eyes focused on mine. “But he’s going to be okay?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Thank God.” She sighed, holding a waded-up tissue in her hand. “I can’t handle any more bad news.”

I didn’t like the idea of leaving Rager in the hospital, but I also wanted to see the kids. They had to be so scared. Though they were young, I saw Pace and Bristol’s faces when the helicopter landed. They knew.

Dad stayed at the hospital with Lane and Zac, Caden’s crew chief. I took Kinsley with me to the hotel to see the kids. On the drive there, Kinsley’s eyes fixated on mine in the back seat of the Uber. The agony was almost too much to bear. “How am I ever going to explain to him that he might never race again? It’s his life. It’s the only thing he’s ever wanted.”

Guilt hit me so hard it took my breath away. Was she mad at me because Rager wasn’t paralyzed and Caden was? Certainly carrying around my own baggage of guilt, I didn’t know what to say to her. But I had to say something as she was looking to me for answers, just as I had to Alley, and would have from my mom had she been there.

“You’re going to tell him that this doesn’t change anything. People have come back from injuries like this, and if he can’t, if that’s physically impossible, it doesn’t mean he can’t be involved in the sport in some way.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I feel so alone right now.”

I held her close. “You’re not though. We’re your racing family.”

And we were. Together we’d get through this. As scary as it was to navigate through.

“WHERE’S DADDY?” PACE asked, looking around the hotel room when the morning light peeked through the room.

I hadn’t slept at all. Instead, I laid awake, the crash playing in my head over and over again. I held Pace closer, my lips pressed to his forehead as he lay with me. Bristol was on the right, Hudson and Knox on the bed with my mom. To our left in the bedroom of the suite, Kinsley slept next to Grace. On the floor, Hayden, Casten, Gray, Ryder, and Rowyn.

The room was filled with our family and I wasn’t sure who was awake, but I knew I needed to answer Pace. Drawing in a deep breath, I whispered, “Daddy is going to be in the hospital for a little bit.”

Pace lifted his head. “Why?”

“He hit his head when he crashed and they’re making sure he’s going to be okay?”

“With Uncle Caden?”

I nodded, loving that my kids referred to Caden and Kinsley as aunt and uncle. Slowly everyone began to wake up and Dad called from the hospital. Caden would be heading into surgery and they knew Kinsley wanted to see him first.

I walked into the room where she was sleeping and found her lying awake. She looked over at me when I opened the door. I smiled, though I knew it wouldn’t offer much to her. “Do you want to head over to the hospital? They’re going to be taking Caden into surgery soon.”

She sat up. “Yeah.” Her eyes drifted to the baby next to her. “Do you think your mom could watch her today? I’ve pumped enough food for her through the day.”

“It’d be her pleasure. She loves babies.”

Mom peeked her head inside the door, her hair a mess, mascara smeared down her face. “I literally can’t wait to hold her. That’s all I did earlier this morning.”

And there, in the middle of her nightmare, Kinsley smiled. “You’re spoiling my baby girl.”

Removing herself from the bed, she gently picked the baby up and handed her to my mom. That was when mom hugged Kinsley. “I’ve been where you are before, honey. It gets easier. Every hour they heal, and it gets easier. I’m not telling you what comes next is going to be easy, but it gets better. Just take one hour at a time.”

Kinsley started crying. “We’re so lucky to have this team.”

We were all lucky to have this team.

Mom pulled me aside before we left, her arms wrapped tight around my shoulders. “Take your miracles where we found them. Reach for the impossible, trading paint, brushing the wall, and sometimes, against all logic—you make it through to the lead and hold on for the white flag.”

At first, I didn’t know what she was talking about, or maybe my mind couldn’t comprehend the meaning. It wasn’t until we reached the rental car that I realized what she meant. Even when you’re at your worst, when you don’t think your car was going to make it, you could pull through if you held on.

CADEN WENT INTOsurgery that night to repair the fracture in his neck and I was able to see Rager for the first time. Though I was relieved to see him, it didn’t make me feel much better about his condition. I sobbed when I saw him. I was so scared I’d never see him again. When they took him away on that LifeFlight, I remember thinking, what if I don’t see him again? What if that was my last chance? And now here, as I stood in that cool dark room with my husband basically strapped to a bed, the vision sent me into a spin of emotions I couldn’t handle.

It was as if all the air had been sucked from my lungs and I fought to breathe again.

The nurse reached for me and I must have swayed on my feet. “Are you okay, Mrs. Sweet?”

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