Page 62 of Dirt Driven

It was then I realized I hadn’t eaten since before the race yesterday and it was probably contributing to it.

“I’m fine,” I told her, stepping toward Rager. “Is he okay? I mean, is the swelling coming down?”

“It is. He’s doing great.”

I touched my hand to his. It was cold and unfamiliar. His face was badly bruised. He was on a ventilator, had a chest tube in and another one attached to the side of his head. And they’d shaved his beautiful jet-black hair from the front of his head. Now he looked like he was growing a half-assed mullet. I wanted to laugh. But I also wanted to cry. I hated seeing him like this.

The doctors assured me, and Kinsley, that keeping both Rager and Caden in a medically induced coma was best for allowing them to heal. It didn’t make us feel any better, but I kept reminding myself they were still alive. That was all that mattered.

That afternoon, while Kinsley and her mom sat with Caden, I had a meeting with Dad and Alley, and we made a plan for the next month. It felt good to have a distraction from worrying.

Per the World Racing rules, we had fourteen days to find replacement drivers. Cody was filling in for Rager and Tyler would drive for Caden—both previous JAR Racing drivers—until the end of the season. Then we’d talk about what to do for next year, but it was almost certain, Caden might never race again.

I broke down. To know that someone’s career had ended before they were ready, it broke me. And Kinsley, who was sitting with the hospital staff and grief counselors right now going over his care for the next few days after his second surgery, and the ones that would follow in the days to come. Their entire life was about to change. They’d just had a baby and started their life together, and now it was completely rearranged.

Tears streamed down my face and I could tell Dad was bothered by the realization too. His eyes were glossy when he added, “Legally we have to run the car through till the end of the year. And then Rager and I can discuss what our options are for next season.”

Lily, who was in charge of the budget for JAR Racing, added, “I suggest dropping the fifth car at the end of the season.”

We knew running five cars might have been a bit much, but with Caden behind the wheel, it had been beneficial to us. Now that he wouldn’t be, it didn’t make sense. Financially.

“But we could see about having him as a team member in some form. Kinsley too,” Dad added, looking to Lily for assurance.

“Yes, that would be possible. Totally. It’s just running the fifth car for the entire season, without Caden behind the wheel, well, he brought those sponsors with him so….”

Caden had the appeal everyone wanted. Young, hungry, driven, and so fucking talented. It was gut-wrenching to see this happening and knowing there was absolutely nothing we could do about it.

Dad cleared his throat. “Whatever Caden’s medical bills are, they’re on me. I’ll cover it all.”

Lily nodded. “I’ll let the hospital know. He has some medical coverage, but I know it’s not going to cover all this.”

More tears rolled down my face as I made eye contact with my dad. This man had always been my hero, but today, I saw him once again as the legend I always knew him to be. It’d been almost twenty-four hours since the accident and he hadn’t left this hospital since he’d arrived. And I doubt we’d get him to leave any time soon. Not until he knew that Caden was going to make it.

Dad pulled me aside after the meeting. “How are you holding up?”

I shrugged, not knowing what to say.

He leaned in and pressed his lips to my forehead. “In an engine, there were moving pieces inside that engine, systems that keep it running, belts moving, oil flowing and spark,” he told me, holding me close. “You could take one out of the equation and the engine failed. You depend on those systems to keep everything moving. We’re the belts, the oil, the spark. Without us, none of this works.”

He was right. I had to keep it together. For me, for my kids, for Kinsley, and most importantly, for Rager and Caden.

DAD, CASTEN, AXELand the other JAR Racing members had to leave to be at Lincoln Speedway. Mom, Hayden, and Rager’s mom stayed with us. Rager’s dad, Duncan, went with my dad to Lincoln to help out in any way he could.

Caden’s mom and Kinsley’s arrived earlier in the morning and had taken Grace with them back to the hotel.

Later that evening, I went to see Rager again and took Pace with me. He was hysterical that he hadn’t been able to see him and borderline inconsolable. Bristol didn’t understand, and Knox, he had a stick and Casten to entertain him. Hudson, he couldn’t care less and also, didn’t understand any of this.

When I took Pace up to see Rager, Jackie, Rager’s mom, went with me. She still hadn’t seen him yet.

Pace didn’t say a word as I held his hand. He stared at Rager, and then me, but no words came. I worried bringing him here wasn’t the right thing to do. Maybe I shouldn’t have let him see him? Was this bad parenting?

Finally, he moved closer to Rager. “I love you, Daddy. Please come home.”

Again, I fucking cried. If it hadn’t been for Jackie beside me, I probably would have lost it all together.

We didn’t stay in his room long, but the doctor assured me the pressure in his head had already come down immensely from where it was this morning. Outside the room, Pace yanked on my hand. I kneeled down to his level, my hands on his face.

His eyes searched mine. “Is my daddy going to die?”

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