Page 64 of Dirt Driven

“Do you need anything?” I asked, struggling to see this side of her. Though I knew once Rager woke up, he would eventually return to racing, it was heartbreaking to be in this room and know the outcome was completely different.

“My milk dried up,” she whispered, tears in her eyes. “My life is slowly falling apart, and I can’t even give my baby the one thing I should be able to.”

I didn’t know what to say to her, but just as my dad had been there for me, I needed to give Kinsley words of wisdom, if I had any. I sat next to her. “You’re a great mom, Kinsley. You’re just stressed out, and that’s to be expected. That’s not your fault.”

Her eyes drifted to him again. “I just want him to wake up. I want to see that adorable smile I fell in love with and those pretty brown eyes. I don’t want to think about anything but that.”

And then I thought about how Rager comforted me when my mom was in the hospital having surgery.“Tell me your favorite memory of her.”And the night I found out my grandpa died. We were in the hallway, and he was still wearing his racing suit. I was wearing pajamas having come from home. He’d wrapped his arms around me and drew me into his chest. I’d never felt so safe in that moment as I did when he held me. He whispered, “He’s with you, even when he isn’t anymore.”

I hated that the man I relied on to comfort me was now attached to tubes, but I also needed to be here for Kinsley. So I played the role I needed and wanted to. I pulled up a chair next to her and held her hand. “Tell me your favorite memory of him? The moment you knew you loved him.”

Her smile was almost instant. Like a flick of a match, she lit up and told me everything about how they started. She was fifteen when she met him and Willamette Speedway in Lebanon Oregon. He was sixteen and raced his first sanctioned National ASCS race that he won. Her cousin Nova introduced them and they stayed up until three in the morning talking. They didn’t see each other again until her and Nova snuck out of the house and drove down to Calistoga Speedway, his home track to watch him race. From there, they talked every day and she traveled to see him when she could. The day she graduated, he picked her up from the ceremony, she packed a bag, and they traveled the country together racing.

With red cheeks and a smile, she looked over at me. “Thank you. I didn’t realize how badly I needed to relive it. To know he might not ever race again, it doesn’t change us. Just because racing brought us together, doesn’t mean it’s all we have.” Her eyes moved to him. “I’d do anything for him, and for our daughter.”

I knew exactly what she meant.

Her eyes moved back to Caden. “I never planned this life. I met Caden, and you can’t ignore him.” She paused, a smile on her face. “He was unlike anyone else I’d ever met, and I remember thinking, you’re a race car driver? How do you make a living doing that? And then he showed me what his life was like and I fell hard.”

I thought about the first time I saw Rager. Or rather, knew I would never be the same. Thirteen years old at Summer Nationals. He’d sparked something inside me I couldn’t ignore, as most adrenaline-addicted men do to girls. There was something about the way they pushed themselves to the edge of sanity that stuck with you and made you say,that one, he’s something special.And they were.

Bobble – A miscue by a driver.

“Is he awake?”

I nodded, breathing in slow and deep. “Yes. Kinsley is in there with him now, along with the doctor.”

“Does he know?”

I raised an eyebrow at Casten, who just flew into town to check on the guys. He could have easily called, but that wouldn’t have been my brother if he did that. “He does. He tried to move his legs and couldn’t. He cried.”

“Fuck.” Casten ran his hand through his hair. “This sucks.”

“It’s so sad seeing this side of it,” I cried, wiping tears from my eyes again. I didn’t think I’d cried this much in my entire life, but in the week that we’d been here, I did every day to the point I ended each day with a massive headache and tequila. “We’ve seen death, and retirement, but never a career ending because of something like this. I mean, Jesus Christ, he was leading the points, on his way to a World of Outlaws championship at eighteen, and now it’s over for him.”

“Okay, stop it.” Casten cleared his throat, his jaw clenching. “You’re gonna make me cry.”

I laughed, rubbing my eyes with a tissue. “Welcome to my world.”

“How’s Rager?”

“Upset. And I still haven’t told him about Caden.”

“Did he ask?”

“Yes. He wrote a note asking.”

“And you said?”

“Told him he was injured but we didn’t know the extent yet.”

“Lying to the bad boy.” Casten blew out a whistled breath, as if to say I was in trouble. “Are they taking his tube out today?”

I nodded. “Yeah, in about an hour I think.”

Casten bumped my shoulder with his. “You okay?”

“After Ryder died, you said you’d never race again. So why’d you come back to racing?”

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