Page 71 of Dirt Driven

Rosa set his drink next to him, glaring and then used her finger to stir it. When she was finished, she licked it and smiled.

Ever since Devil’s Bowl when Jameson threw that snake at her, she’d upped her game in the I-will-torture-Jameson-for-the-rest-of-his-life to I-will-do-everything-in-my-power-to-annoy-him-for-eternity. He glanced at me, and then took a handful of fries left on his plate and threw them at Rosa. “Go away.”

Two landed on her tits. She ate them. “Enjoy, asshole.”

He regarded me again and I fought the urge to laugh at them. “You’re a good driver,” he finally said.

“Doesn’t feel like it.”

He glared. “Respect my fucking opinion.”

I chuckled, but then I realized by the continued scowl, he was serious. “Sorry.”

“Listen.” He pushed his drink aside and turned to face me. “I know what you’re going through. I’ve been throughexactlywhat you’re going through right now. I know deep down, you don’t even want to look at a race car, let alone get inside one and try to win, but eventually that feeling will fade and you’re left with what you know how to do and what you’re good at. Not everyone can go out there and do what we do. It takes a very gifted person to be one,thatdedicated to a sport that takes everything and gives very little in return. And two, to win. You do both and that’s what’s gotten you here today. Just because you’re having an off year doesn’t change my decision to make you partners with me. As a team owner, I want a driver who’s struggled through adversity, endured hardships, and made sacrifices along the way. I want that because of who that creates inside of that driver. The clutch gene. When everything is on the line, all that triumph embed in him fights for the win.That’swhy I chose you.”

I had no idea what to say to him, other than “Thank you.”

Aiden surfaced from the back room and smiled at us. He watched Rosa with a curious expression. Rosa had many jobs, but since we hadn’t been traveling lately, she was helping out at the Pig Pit. I think, by the expression on his face, he was regretting this decision. “Rosa, are you drinking?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know why more people don’t drink at work. I mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal.”

Jameson grunted and tossed money on the counter. “Could have fooled me.”

I WASN’T CLEAREDto drive yet so Jameson gave me a ride back to the house. I didn’t get out right away. I sat and stared at the front porch of my home with Arie, remembering the night it all changed for us.

“I can’t do this with you anymore, Arie.” I couldn’t. I wouldn’t continue to put myself through it anymore. “It’s killing me. I’m fucking blind to everything else that’s around me.” I grabbed at my hair, needing to release the tension rolling through me. “I’m fuckin’ dying inside trying to stay away from you. You haunt me.”

Did she understand how much though? Did she know I couldn’t sleep at night because she was all I thought about?

Her eyes stayed on the pavement beneath my feet, her words soft when she whispered, “Easton asked for a divorce. We’re separated and our divorce will be final in February.”

I already knew that, but I needed to hear her say it out loud. I couldn’t control what happened to me the moment she finally revealed her truth. I couldn’t because that was all I’d been waiting on. For her to finally admit she wasn’t tied to him any longer.

I stood, turned toward her and my knees hit the pavement in front of her. “I’m done.”

I swallowed, breathing in deep. I’d never regret that night, or the ones that followed. So why had I let this one accident drive a wedge between us? She didn’t want to admit it was there, but it was. Like a fucking deep rut in the middle of a track. You knew it was there and did everything in your power to avoid it, but one bobble, one centimeter to the left and if you tagged it, it threw off your lap time.

“You okay, man?” Jameson asked, setting his phone down.

“Yeah.” I ran my hand through my hair.

“Take one day at a time, kid.” He shifted in the seat, resting his elbow on the door of his truck. “I’ve been where you’re at and it’s not easy to sit at home and heal. And sure as fuck ain’t easy on any relationship.”

If anyone understood what I was going through, it was the man beside me. “I hate that there’s a void between Arie and me now,” I admitted. “And her surgery is coming up. I just… I don’t know how to handle any of it.”

He nodded, chewing on his lip. “Well, that’s to be expected. You both went through something traumatic and now you’re trying to make sense of it.”

With Arie and me, we always connected physically, but emotionally, we struggled to get on the same lap these days. “I’m scared,” I told him. “Scared to get back in the car, to leave her, the kids, and I never ever thought I’d be in that position.”

He stared at the house in the distance, his breathing light and easy. That was when he gave me probably the most inspirational piece of advice he’d ever given me. “Back when you started racing with the Outlaws, what made you good?”

I looked over at him, curious as to where he was going with this. “I don’t know. Seat time?” With the Outlaws, you raced on average of three nights a week. Compared to any other traveling series, that was an incredible amount of seat time and what made us some of the best drivers in the world.

“You’re right. You logged laps, you got a feel for what your car would do in certain track conditions. And you respected what they taught you, am I right?” I nodded, my eyes drifting back to the house as he continued. “You began to understand that at Williams Grove, you can’t run high when the track is glazed over. And at Grays Harbor, if they didn’t water the track enough, it dried out before the mains and was like racing on asphalt. You learned that at Jacksonville Speedway, you weren’t fast unless you were bouncing that right rear off the guardrail in turn four.” He paused and then waited for me to look at him. “No matter how many laps you log, nothing prepares you for when track conditions change. You gotta make adjustments and go from there. Work on a new setup.”

I processed his words and smiled. “Got any pit notes for me?”

He laughed, throwing his head back as he started the truck. “Yeah, get out. I got a girl waiting on me.”

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