Page 203 of Lost in Love

She nods, blowing out a huge breath like she’s completely ridding her body of oxygen. “Can you just please listen to me and hear me out?”

My mouth goes dry looking at her. Waiting for my answer, she’s taking large even breaths, warming herself up for something, or maybe settling her nerves.

I throw my hands up in the air. “Jesus Christ, just tell me already.”

Frowning, her frustration takes over. I can tell after our argument at the hotel that night, it’s still affecting her and she’s struggling to express herself to me now. Dropping her head forward, it’s like she’s giving up.

“I get it. You did what you needed to do,” I finish for her, ready to walk away.

That’s when her eyes lift to meet mine. “It’s not like that, Ridley.”

I nod, my voice hitching when I say, “Then what was it like? Because the way I see it, you wanted a divorce and you put me through hell for it.”

She tips her head to the side. “You believe that, don’t you?”

My heart jumps, my eyes tearing up, filling with the sadness I know too well these days. “How can I not believe it?”

“That’s not everything,” she says, regret thick as her glossy eyes return to mine. “You don’t know everything.”

“What are you talking about?”

I don’t like the way she says I don’t know everything. It makes me feel like she’s hiding something from me and I immediately wonder if she’s cheated on me. Is that why she wanted a divorce? She said it wasn’t that at the hotel, but maybe she just couldn’t tell me at the time, and now it’s eating at her, and she has to tell me the truth. My face contorts with the thoughts, my heartbeat increasing with every breath it hurts to take.

“About me asking for a divorce….”

The way her voice trails off has my heart in my throat again and my skin prickling with anticipation of her lies.

“I filed for divorce to get your attention,” she whispers. “I was trying to think of ways to get your attention, make you see our problems were more than either of us realized, and Nathalie suggested I file for divorce knowing it wouldn’t be final for a while and would give us time to work things out.” Her eyes drop with the admittance, unable to hold mine anymore. “And right before we left for Sedona, I found out I was pregnant, and it confused me even more. I lied,” she says, stepping toward me with a good amount of hesitation. “I never wanted a divorce. I was so frustrated with you and your lack of being present in our lives that I wanted to shake you up. I just… Iwantedyou to be around more, and I didn’t know how to come and talk to you.”

I stare at her in disbelief. Did she really just say that to me? Am I getting this right? The last two months have been a joke? She played me to get my attention?

Madison starts to fidget and breaks the silence. “Ridley say something.”

Say something? She wants me to say something. I don’t think she wants to hear what I’m thinking. I’m almost certain she doesn’t. Does she even understand the deceit I’m experiencing in this moment? It’s like I’m the Greeks in the Trojan war.

Have you ever heard of the story of the Trojan horse? If you haven’t, it goes something like this. When the Trojan Paris ran away with Helen, the Spartan king’s wife, everything went to shit and war broke out. Think about it. His wife ran away with another man. I’d be pissed too. Anyway, this fucking war went on for something like ten years when the Trojan’s thought they’d overtook the Greeks.

But that wasn’t the case at all. Now comes for the curve ball, the lie. The deception.

Thinking they were being sneaky, or just plain assholes, the Greeks built an enormous wooden horse with a hollow belly where they would hide men. So after the Greeks convinced these poor ignorant bastards this fucking horse was a peace offering, the Trojan’s accepted the horse and brought it into Troy. Cool right? All’s fair in love and war?

Not exactly. We all know that’s bullshit by now. Look at me. Anyway, that night as the Trojan’s slept peacefully, the Greeks snuck outside the horse’s ass and proceeded to slaughter their enemy. It’s pretty fucked up when you think about it, huh? Or genius depending on what side you’re on.

But in this case, I’m positive I now know how the people of Troy felt. Gutted.

Do you see that guy? The one barely breathing and blood pressure through the roof? If you don’t, he’s the one who looks like he’s going to kill the woman in front of him. He won’t, believe me. As we’ve discussed, he doesn’t have murder in him but he’s really upset.

Shaking my head, I close my eyes against the adrenaline hitting me straight to the heart. I didn’t want to know this truth, and I’m beyond the limits of furious; I’m gone. I can’t process this truth.

She lied.

She did it to get my attention and what, now she’s fucking pregnant? That’s probably the only goddamn reason she’s telling me this shit. She knows she has three kids now and no husband. Maybe she’s only telling me this because she needs my fucking money.

Is the baby even mine?

You have to admit after everything, it’s a valid thought.

Needing a breath, I breathe in, the sound sharp and sudden as if I’ve finally come up for air. When she says those words, when those lies became a reality, my feet and hands tingle, my whole life changing in front of me, out of reach because what I know is a lie, an illusion she led me to believe was a lie. A fucking lie.

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