Page 79 of Lost in Love

“Yes, but it’s a road trip. I’m going to need more.”

“Why?” My eyes drift to hers. “Are you going to actually drive this time?”

“No way. You know I get lost easily.”

“It’s easy. You stay on I-10.”

She stares at me. Kelly once got lost in our neighborhood. It’s literally one big loop, but somehow my wife is so navigationally challenged that she turned out of the loop and into another neighborhood and couldn’t figure out why our house wasn’t in it.

“I want coffee!” Hazel yells from the third row, seated next to Sevi. We couldn’t have her sit next to Oliver because though he’s starting to be nicer to her, they’re still not on loving terms. I wouldn’t put it past either of them not to strangle each other given the chance.

Four hours later, I can tell you in a few sentences how they went. It’s filled with screaming, crying, barking, and someone always has to pee, and never at the same time. It’s I’m too hot, I’m too cold, he’s touching me, she’s touching me, he hit me, I hate this movie, and finally, I’m going to puke.

Which happens. Twice.

Once by Hazel who drank out of a Gatorade bottle Oliver peed in, and once by Sevi because he’s a sympathy puker. And then to top off that first day, just about the time I want to cut my own dick off for knocking Kelly up with this many kids, Fin gets explosive diarrhea that makes us pull the car over and air it out for two hours outside Mesa Verde.

While Kelly cleans up Fin, and her seat, I do nothing and sit alongside the road with Oliver and Sevi, who, by the way, is glaring at a coyote. Don’t freak out, it’s fine. It’s totally fine. I’m keeping an eye on the kid. Let me tell you, there’s nothing but desert out there and not a goddamn thing to do to entertain four kids. Even I’m bored, and I’d give my left nut for some peace and quiet.

“Ugh!” Oliver groans. “I’m so bored and there’s no wi-fi.”

I rip the iPad from his hands. “You don’t need wi-fi every minute of the day.”

“Yes, I do. Being ten is boring. You’re too old to play with toys, and you’re too young to kill anyone.”

I glare at him, watching Sevi and the fucking coyote that’s sitting on a rock. “I hope you’re joking.”

“Maybe.” He tips his second Mountain Dew toward me. “Or maybe not. I bet you there’s bodies buried out here.”

I fight back a laugh. “I’m sure you’re right.”

About a minute later, he levels me a serious look. “How long is a century?”

Don’t judge me, but I actually have to think about it. “A hundred years.”

“How long is ten years?”

“A decade,” I say confidently. I, at least, knew that one.

“So I’ve been alive a decade?”

“Yep.”

“That’s cool.”

“You’re making me feel old, buddy.”

“Oh look, a puppy!” Hazel beams, Fin’s diaper bag on her shoulder, running from the car to where Oliver, Sevi, and I are sitting on the rock.

I catch her before she can run after it and make her sit on my lap. “That’s not a puppy.”

“It looks like one.”

Oliver snorts and tosses a rock at it. “It’s a coyote, dummy.”

The coyote doesn’t move, even when Sevi starts to growl at him. They’re having a stare down.

“Thanks for the help,” Kelly grumbles, pushing the hair matted to her face aside with a now clean and half-naked Fin on her hip.

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