Page 100 of Paper Hearts

Sighing, I wipe away the blueberry syrup she has on her chin, having tried to chug the bottle moments ago. “I don’t think so. You like me way better.”

Eddie smiles, her front two teeth missing. “I loves you, Mama. More than pancakes.”

Tears sting my eyes and my head feels like it’s going to explode. I think about Ender and what he’s going to do when he finds out.

After I finish Eddie’s pancakes, I sit her down at the table and I notice my dad in the living room. He’s there on Aunt Leslie’s couch, tie in hand, looking up at me. It’s not the first time I’ve seen him, and he does see Eddie every Christmas, but is he a big part of her life? No, sadly, he’s not.

“You look pretty, Hadleigh,” he says, smiling.

We talk, something we seldom do these days when he says something I never expect.

“I only ever want what’s best for you, Hadi.”

I laugh, the alcohol still in my system speaking for me. “As long as that was never Ender.”

“Who the hecks Ender?” Eddie asks from the table, still eating her pancakes, one overly large bite after another.

“Nobody,” I tell her, my heart still pounding. “Mind ya business in there, Eddie Rose.”

Eddie grins, that familiar mischievous twinkle in her eyes. “I mind my biz just fine, Mama.”

“He was never good for you, and you know it.”

Before an all-out argument can start—I’m in that kind of mood—I walk away and onto the dock as Eddie hangs out with my dad.

I think for sure no one will find me out here, which is why I go there. The boats on the lake that usually provided me with a calm are now vaguely annoying. I find myself hating being out here, the reminders of me and Ender too consuming.

“Stupid. So stupid,” I say to myself, bringing my hands to my face.

“I heard that,” a relaxed voice says from behind.

“Hey, Myles,” I say, tilting my head back to look up at him. He looks older every time I see him and more and more like Ender every day. In looks and mannerisms.

“Long night?” He sits beside me, his long legs propped up by his bare feet. Leaning back, he rests his weight on his hands and sets a coffee cup beside him.

“You have no idea.” My heart continues to pound in my chest, my eyes burning from the tears, scorched by the brightness of the day. It’s a good thing I have sunglasses on to shade the sun.

“Uh, the wedding hasn’t even started.” He laughs. “Are you drunk?”

“Yes.”

Myles assesses me with a fleeting glance and sits up, reaching for his coffee. “So I’m guessing he found out about Eddie?”

“Nope. Not that I know of, but he found out about my book.”

“Oh.” Myles chuckles, as though it isn’t funny, but still is. “That’s all.”

“Yep.”

Myles exhales, long and drawn out, shaking his head. “You still love him?”

“I wish I didn’t.”

He smiles at me patiently, holding a steaming metal coffee mug in his hand. It’s hard not to break down and cry, though. For some reason I still want to cry. Maybe it’ll make me feel better. “Hads…” Myles sighs, shaking his head when I rest mine on his shoulder, tears rolling out of the corners of my eyes. “Don’t cry.”

Sniffing, I pull back and stare at him. He looks like Ender and a spitting image of the day he left me. Not quite as tall, not as hard in the way that made Ender unapproachable to most, but Myles has the same eyes, same dark lashes. It’s probably why he uses Eddie to get dates. Everyone thinks he’s a single dad at twenty.

“Did he apologize?” Myles asks eventually.

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