Page 105 of Paper Hearts

* * *

When we get downstairsand the wedding is about to begin, Arya corners me again, pointing at Ender standing against the wall, his head hung, staring at his feet. “You’re walking with him.”

I nod and move closer, my eyes on Eddie who is thankfully with Lana and my mom now and out of sight. “Walking.”

Arya points toward Ender. “Get over there. You’re walking with Hads.”

I turn and see Ender approaching me. I draw in a deep breath, clearly not prepared for what’s going to happen next. In the distance, I can see Eddie getting ready to walk down the aisle with her basket, but she’s pouting, her arms crossed dramatically over her chest as my mom urges her to move forward. I smile. She’s so damn difficult, much like the one next to me.

With shaking hands, I slide my arm around Ender’s elbow, gliding over the smooth fabric of his tux. His arms flexes at my touch and he keeps my gaze longer than I want him to. Holy bicep muscles. Christ. Did all this guy do is work out while he was gone? The warmth of his body suffocates me and though we’re barely touching, it’s enough the memories of our summers inundate me.

I try to breathe through my frustration when the music starts. Arya notices and glares. I wink at her trying to assure her I’m not going to run away.

Ender sighs beside me, a glare on his face as he watches his dad stand next to Arya and get ready to walk with her.

“Nothing to say?” I ask as we start walking down the pebble-stoned path leading to the archway facing the lake. The sun is setting now, little slivers of chalky pink and purple peeking through slate-gray clouds.

Ender tilts his head toward me, but he continues to face forward. “Not yet,” he replies, low-toned and turning slightly.

“Pussy.” Shaking my head, I sigh.

Ender chuckles, his chest shaking. “What I have to say doesn’t need to be said in front of everyone, Hads,” he says easily, tightening his elbow to his side to pinch my hand in place.

Hads. God, does that sting. I never thought I’d hear that rough voice say my name like that again. Touching his body, even if it’s just his arm, feels unfamiliar and inaccessible.

When we get to the arbor, he lets me go, and then there’s the awkward staring at each other since we technically have to face one another. My stomach rolls. I can’t believe I’m standing here, across from him and he read my deepest secrets, almost all of them, and know they were about him. All my thoughts, even my crazy orgasm fixation and Arya trying to teach me how to touch myself.

My face heats. I can’t believe this.

As my heart beats in my ears, it’s all I can do to keep from puking all over the wedding party. Until the minister gets to the vows and Ender’s eyes find mine. His stare holds and I can’t, don’t want to look away from him. Does he regret leaving me? Does he realize who Eddie is yet? I don’t know because I can’t read his mind, but the moment the vows are being said, his eyes lift to mine and I think I might vomit.

* * *

Arya handsme a cold rag before the reception begins. “Are you feeling better?”

I threw up the second they said I do. In a trash can near the house. So embarrassing. “No. I’m not. What was I thinking?”

Arya leans into the doorframe. “When you get married, I’m getting drunk so you have to take care of me.”

I draw in a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. “I’m so sorry I’ve been a horrible bridesmaid.”

“Well, you’re the maid of honor.” She laughs, staring at her ring on her finger. “So maybe you got your titles confused.”

“I’m sorry,” I sob, holding the rag to my face.

She rubs my back. “Go talk to him.”

“What if I don’t want to? What am I going to say? He saw Eddie…. How do I even start this conversation?”

“You don’t have to explain anything to him. He left, and you had no way to get in contact with him. This isn’t on you. It’s not like you kept Eddie from him. But you’re never going to find out his reasoning unless you try.”

She has a point, but still, do I want to know why he left?

Yes.

The reception is in the backyard. All the chairs from the wedding have been pushed aside to make way for a makeshift wood dance floor and a small stage to the left of the large deck overlooking the lake. Everyone is concerned about the weather and have set up tents along the grass and staked them down. There’s been two tornado warnings today and I have to laugh if they think a few cement blocks are going to stop a tornado.

Finding a table in the corner, I spot Granny still reading my book in the corner, her eyes wide and cheeks flushed. I wonder what she’s going to think of the part where her grandson stole my virginity and left afterward.

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