Page 108 of Paper Hearts

He holds tighter. He doesn’t want to let go. “About that first summer…” The way his voice trails off has my heart in my throat again and my skin prickling.

My back stiffens. “No.”

He nods and draws in a breath, his chest expanding. His eyes hold mine. There’s fear in his. “I made a bet with Walker,” he whispers, and I can tell those words are hard for him to say. “That summer after that party on the boat, Walker was spouting off about Hazel turning him down. I was cocky and told him I bet I could fuck her before the summer was out,” he says, his voice full of remorse. “He went a little further and bet me I couldn’t sleep with all five Hayes sisters.”

My soul unravels. Shaking my head, I close my eyes. I don’t want to know this truth. I laugh in his fucking face. “You’re mad I wrote a book about you, andyoumade a bet you could fuck my sisters?” I try to process what he’s saying, but fail—the anger, the resentment, all rolling through me and shaking my bones.

Ender draws in a deep breath before continuing, and even though his voice is soft, I can hear the embarrassment in his words. “I never meant to hurt you, and I didn’t sleep with you because of the bet. That had nothing to do with it. I didn’t even follow through with the bet.”

“Oh, well hell, you’re forgiven then.” I try to swallow, but it’s impossible. I think my throat is closing up.

“Really?” He watches, like he’ll sacrifice the beat in his chest for the break in mine.

“No.” I shove away from him and he tries to grab me again. Thunder rolls through the sky and it’s perfect timing for my reaction. “Go fuck yourself.”

Even from that distance I can hear Ender’s anger bubble over, a consequence only he creates as he flips over the table I’d been sitting at, champagne glasses shattering.

He’s ruining his sister’s wedding and my love for him.

44

WHEN HE TOLD HIS SIDE OF THE STORY

Imake a run for it. In the middle of a lightning storm. I’m sure a tornado warning is going to follow. Let the motherfucker scoop me up and transport me into another place. I don’t even care.

Unfortunately for me, Ender chases after me. “Hads, wait!”

“For what? So you can break the rest of my heart?” I pick up a handful of rocks from the driveway and toss it at him. He dodges them and keeps following me up the road to where Wiley’s barn is. I stop in the middle of the road, a wall of rain coming toward me in the distance. I can see it splattering on the pavement ahead of me. Ender stands in the middle of the road, straddling the center line and staring at me. “I loved you, Ender. And not just any love. It was the kind that destroyed me. I haven’t even had sex since you! That’s how fucking pathetic I am.” Okay, I could have left that part out, but I say it. I turn and stare at him, waiting to see what he’ll say.

“Let me explain, please,” he begs, sounding like he’s ready to drop to his knees as he steps closer.

I throw my arms up in the air. “Why?” I don’t wait for his reply. I keep walking as the sky lights up around us, wind blowing my dress up and showing him my ass. I fight with it, probably looking hideous, but I don’t care. In the distance to the right, I can see Wiley’s barn. Rain slaps my face in sheets, but I keep running up the road.

A quick flash through the sky and a loud crack of thunder bellows through the air.

I jump at the sound and glance back at Ender. He rushes toward me and yanks me into the barn out of the storm as one of those umbrellas they had set up by the lake flies by. I wish it would have hit me. Maybe then I wouldn’t have to hear what Ender has to say. I don’t want to hear it because my heart hurts enough. I don’t need him to break it again.

“Hads, please.” He breathes, holding me against the side of the bar. “Please let me explain.”

“Why should I?” I try to push him away, but he doesn’t let me go. “You can’t stand here and tell me you don’t remember me, get pissed I wrote a book, and then tell me I was a fucking bet you made when you were fifteen, and then get to explain yourself. It doesn’t work that way, Ender. You left us!”

He nods but he won’t let go. “I’m sorry. I am. I don’t know how to fix it.”

“You lied to me. And not just any lie, Ender. That’s a big fucking lie. And then you left me without any explanation.”

His eyes harden. “And you told the world about our story and didn’t tell me I had a daughter.”

“Cute.” I laugh. “I tried to get a hold of you. I called and you changed your number. But you’re not turning this one around on me this time. I wrote a book to remember you. To try to understand where it all went wrong.”

“And made money off it,” he points out, raising his eyebrows. “Maybe I didn’t want the world to know how fucked I am.”

“Yeah, well, I’m a single fucking mom so I guess we’re even now.” I chew on my bottom lip, shaking my head. “Was there money involved when you bet Walker you could fuck the Hayes girls?”

“Five hundred bucks,” he admits, blinking slowly. “And I lost the bet.”

“Why? Couldn’t close the deal with all of them?” I taunt, doing anything I can to piss him off.

Ender groans, as if hearing that makes his stomach sick, but he refuses to let go. “It wasn’t like that. I didn’t technically doanythingto them. Hazel and Becca,theykissed me. I never actually touched them.” There’s a loud crash against the side of the barn as thunder rolls through the sky again. His weight shifts and he holds tighter, his hands fisting in my dress. “It wasn’t like what I did with you.”

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