Page 124 of Paper Hearts

My mom helps Eddie find her shoes while Ender approaches. “She stole my beer and hamburger,” he notes, chuckling as he runs a hand through his hair.

“She steals everything. My shoes that don’t fit her, my bed, my food….”

Ender leans into the railing beside me. Also, I think it’s important to note here, he’s still not wearing his shirt. Fuck. I glance at his chest bulging with muscles and sigh.

“Can I take you to dinner tonight?”

“Tonight?” I raise an eyebrow.

He nods, his eyes on Eddie throwing a fit over losing a shoe. “Eddie can come.”

“I, uh, I think we should do some talking before she gets too attached.”

“Okay.” Sadness mares his face and he tries to correct it, blinking fast.

“Hey.” I touch my hand to his shoulder. “You can still take me out. I just think we should wait to involve her. And… it wouldn’t hurt for us to have some alone time to talk without her around.”

He turns his head toward mine, scanning my face. His eyes fall to my nose, lips, chest. “I’m not sure I can be alone with you.”

“Why?”

He swallows, his breathing heavier, his voice dropping as he leans in. “It’s not enough. I’m going to want more.” There’s so much sadness in his eyes that mine tear up.

“Let’s start with dinner,” I say, and even though my words are said softly, they give him hope. I move away from him when Eddie rushes back over.

She takes a hold of Ender’s hand. “Come on. We’re wastings time.”

I watch them walk back toward the lake, Eddie on Ender’s shoulders now, and I think my heart is falling too fast. I want to let him in, but is that okay? Will he hurt me again?

He might, but he’s also the same boy who gave me her and showed me it’s okay to leave the pieces of yourself between the pages.

49

WHEN HE TOOK ME ON A DATE

“Mama, can I call him Daddy?” Eddie asks, taking all my makeup out of my bag and placing it on the counter.

I watch her pick up my lipstick and stare at it. “Do you want to?”

She sets the lipstick down and crawls onto my lap as I sit on the edge of the bed. “I think so. Ben calls his dad that. And he’s my daddy, right?”

I nod, tucking her wet curls behind her ears. She’s freshly bathed, smells like summer, and is ready for bed. “He is.”

“Then I want to calls him that.” She stares at my dress, running her fingertips over the soft cotton on the hem. “Why he not around?”

“Do you mean why hasn’t he been around?”

She nods, searching my eyes. “How come he not know me when I was a baby?”

“He didn’t know about you, honey, or he would have,” I assure her.

“Oh.” She sighs and stares at the ground. “How come I can’t go withs you to eat?”

“Because you’re going to have a movie party with Grammy and Ben.”

She rolls her eyes. “I don’t even like Ben.”

“Yes you do.” I tickle her sides and she squirms. “He’s your cousin.”

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