Page 24 of Paper Hearts

Ender hesitates to leave though and smiles at me, running his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry about your ankle.”

“You said that already.”

His eyes smolder. I don’t know what smolder looks like, but if I had to guess, it’s this expression because it makes my legs weak. He licks his lips and draws in a careful breath, searching my eyes. “I meant it.”

“I know.”

Leaning in, his breath hits my ear like a wildflower blowing in the sun and I think again, maybe he might kiss me. Pray, actually. We’re hidden on the other side of the house, out of view of my parents and sisters loading bags into the car, but he doesn’t kiss me. Instead he whispers, “I hope I see you next summer.”

My hands ache to touch him, but I don’t do anything. I grip my crutches tighter. “Me too.” I’m not sure if I will see him next year. What if my aunt Leslie sells the house, or worse, my parents won’t let me come back? All these thoughts have me wondering what the year will hold for me. I know one thing. My life will never be the same after meeting Ender James.

Before I leave, Arya rushes to the side of the car and hugs me. “Call me when you get home.”

I promise her I will.

In the car, Becca rolls her eyes at me. “You don’t really think he likes you, do you?”

I hold the note he gave me in my hand. “I have his number and I’m guessing you don’t,” I snap back and shove the paper back into my jean shorts.

She crosses her arms and stares out the window. At least I don’t have to drown her anymore. Pretty sure I burned her with my words.

As the views of the lake fade in the distance, I think back to that first day. I think in every girl’s life, there’s a boy she’ll never forget and the summer it all began, and yet I know, nothing will ever be the same since meeting Ender James.

9

WHEN THE SEASONS CHANGED

Fall happens whether I want it to or not. Hazel goes back to college. Brenna gets in a fight with Dad and moves in with a friend for two weeks. She moves back when she can’t afford gas money to actually run away.

My parents are fighting more than they used to. About money, bills, my sisters… and everything in between. My dad spends lots of nights on the couch and Mom cries.

School starts and I hate it. It’s awful. Boys are obnoxious. The only difference between seventh and eighth are the boys. I’m not sure what happened to them over the summer, but they’re different, by sight and sound. They’re filling out, their laughter deeper, but their ways are still innocent, and completely unlike Ender. I’m not sure there’s anything innocent about him.

I find myself unintentionally looking for Ender in them, but nobody has sad eyes like his. Nobody makes me feel uncomfortable and fascinated at the same time like he does.

Junior high is different from grade school in many ways. Popularity is more important—a status that defines my reputation and for the most part, my future in school. Teachers always eye me as though they’re waiting to see which Hayes sister I will follow. Little do they know, I don’t intend on following any of them.

The first few weeks are okay. I still have the cast on, so there isn’t much I can do, but once the cast is off, I get involved with sports again.

Fall rolls into winter. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, they fade one right after another as the weather begins to show signs of spring.

I turn fourteen. I invite Arya over for my birthday, but she can’t come. It’s a five-hour drive and her mom won’t bring her. I think of Ender and Arya often. Okay, mostly Ender. We text often, but not every day. I text Arya every day though and Facetime. Ender’s not home much so my attempts at seeing him through the screen are few and far between.

Arya asks me if I’ll come for spring break, and I bring the idea up to my parents, but it’s an immediate no. I’m so mad they said no, I lock myself in my room for two days and refuse to eat. Eventually though, I need food and come out of my cave, but not before I slam a few doors, accidentally on purpose breaking my dad’s favorite plate, and tell Harper her prom dress makes her ass look like it swallowed her thighs.

I lose touch with reality. My mom thinks I’m depressed and need to spend time with my friends. What friends? I don’t have that same connection with them as I do with Ender and Arya.

A new kid, Micah, transfers to my school in April. He plays baseball so when fastpitch begins that spring, I see him around school more. Micah is popular. The girls think he’s hot, and the fact that he’s a short stop makes him even cooler in the eyes of the thirteen-year-old girls. And I have to agree with the girls, he’s cool, but he’s no Ender James. I think back to that stirring in my stomach and the desire I had to be closer to him any time he was around. I bet girls are all over Ender at his school.

And he’s probably forgot all about Hads. I’ve become everything I hate about my sisters. A moody teen girl thinking all about boys. Gag.

Micah, he’s what I would refer to as flirty. He asks me out that first week and I politely deny him and send Ender a text to see what he might say.

Me: A boy asked me out today. Gross.

I send the text and regret it immediately. I shouldn’t have sent that, should I? Damn it. Why isn’t there a teenage girl handbook on what to do when you like a boy, and what not to do. Am I acting like Becca?

It takes Ender the entire day, but he calls me that night. Our first phone call. Up until now, he’s only texted me. I run to my room as the phone rings and hide in my closet as I slide my finger across the screen. “Hello?”

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