Page 29 of Paper Hearts

“You haven’t?” She sounds surprised, but I suppose, most girls my age have boyfriends already. I know my sisters did. Not me. And it’s not that I don’t want one; it’s that most boys are into my sisters. Sure, in the beginning they show some interest in me, but once they find out about Harper or Becca—their attention is diverted.

“Not really.” I turn my head toward her. “Have you?”

“I’ve had boyfriends and kissed a few, but I haven’t done anything else.”

“I haven’t kissed anyone yet.”

“What about your sisters?” Arya is curious about them because she has brothers.

“I’m pretty sure all of them have had sex before. Well,maybenot Harper, but I know Becca has.” I smile at her. “They did it in the pool. Haven’t been in it since.”

Arya laughs, rolling onto her back, covering her mouth the same as Ender does when he thinks something is funny but wants to hide it. “My mom once caught Ender with a girl in the garden shed.”

“Were they…” My embarrassment gets the better of me, along with a case of the giggles. “…having sex?”

“No. I don’t think so… but she had her hand down his pants. I think she was jerking him off.” Arya takes a strand of her pretty hair and loops it around her finger. This time we roll, lying on our sides to stare at each other. “I saw him doing that once.”

My cheeks are fire and I gasp. “Doing what?”

She makes an up and down motion with her hand. “You know.”

“Um, no, I don’t.”

“Masturbating,” she whispers, her eyes wide. “You know, when they touch themselves.”

“Yes I know what masturbating is.” The idea of Ender touching himself does strange things to my stomach. It tickles. “You really caught him doing that?”

“Yep. Last summer.”

“Here?”

She nods. “He was in the shower, and I walked in to get my toothbrush. The curtain was open by the mirror and I saw him leaning against the wall,doing it.”

Heat rushes between my legs and I feel like something heavy is on my chest. I swallow. “Does he know?”

She stifles another laugh into her hand. “He punched the wall and told me to get the fuck out. So yeah, he knows.”

We laugh for a moment and then I ask, “Do girls at your school talk about it a lot?”

“Sex?” She pauses and I nod. “Girls like Kamila do. She’s the same age as Ender. They’ve gone to school together since preschool, but she uses him. He’s really good at baseball, and I think she thinks he’s her ticket out of Georgia, but he’ll never play professionally.”

“Why?”

“He’s a loser, that’s why.” I give her a funny face, my nose scrunched up. “I’m sure he’s probably good enough, but he doesn’t like to be told what to do. Ever. His attitude ruins it for him.”

I’m quiet, and unfortunately still thinking about Ender in the shower. I wonder if he does it a lot. I haven’t even touched myself down there like that. I wouldn’t know what to do, but there’s a tingling between my legs and I want so badly to be near Ender and feel his breath on my neck or have him kiss me.

“Do you like my brother?” Arya asks, hiding her smile with another yawn. The birds are chirping now, and though I’m getting sleepy, I’m not as tired as I thought I’d be after staying up all night.

“A little, I guess,” I tell her, trying to play it cool.

Arya rolls on her back. “He likes you too. I bet he’s in the shower now thinking of you.”

My heart kicks again and I can’t help but burst out laughing. I know one thing, as the sun peeks over the lake and sleep finds me, I think about what it’d be like to be with Ender James and have his touch.

11

WHEN HE KISSED BECCA

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