Page 39 of Paper Hearts

“No,” he mumbles with a mouth full of sugar-sweet peaches and fluffy dough. “It’s awful.”

I wrap my hand around a cold glass of milk. “Now you’re just being rude.”

16

WHEN I SAW HIM PLAY BALL

As much as I don’t want it to, summer ends. Ender and I spent the last few weeks there sneaking kisses, camping out under the stars with Arya, Myles, and Roman, but Ender doesn’t take it any further than kissing. Part of me likes the slowness to our pace, but there’s another that wants definition. Am I his girlfriend? Does he love me? What’s he doing when I’m not around?

All questions I have as the leaves begin to turn and soon winter arrives. I still talk to both Arya and Ender through the end of the year, but it’s different than when we’re at the lake.

I’m living with my mom and my dad is staying up in Birmingham working. I think they’re getting a divorce but neither one of them will admit it.

It doesn’t matter much to me though because Mom gives me way more freedom than she ever did before.

Becca moves out before Christmas.Cough, slut,cough. I still haven’t talked to her. Now it’s just me and Harper at home. I like it like this. We grow closer and it’s nice to have a sister who relates to me. I turn fifteen and finally get my period on a regular basis. Lucky me.

Girls I go to school begin to fall in and out of love quickly. Little crushes, big ones, too, fluttering hearts broken, some sealed by the same shards that broke it in the first place.

In April, my mom goes to see Aunt Leslie for her birthday and to my surprise, takes me with her. That means I’m only an hour away from Ender on a game day. Yep, I checked his schedule and beg my mom to take me to see them.

Me: I’ll be in Atlanta tomorrow.

I text both Ender and Arya. Immediately, Arya responds. She’s all kinds of excited to see me, whereas Ender’s response is subtler.

Ender: Cool. You coming to my game then?

Me: Yep.

I know the schedule. Whether I want to admit it or not, I stalk Ender from fall to summer.

Part of me is nervous to see him anywhere other than the lake. Will he act the same? Will he ignore me? Will he kiss me again?

* * *

When I getto the field, Arya meets me there. “I’ll be back in a few hours,” my mom tells me.

Mom waves to Arya, who’s wearing a Raiders hoodie and skinny jeans paired with the Converse she loves so much. “I can’t believe you’re really here,” she gushes, holding me to her chest.

“I know. I can’t believe my mom let me come.”

“Me either.” Arya hooks her arm around my elbow and tugs. “Ender thought she’d chicken out. Oh my God, do you think she’ll let you stay the night?”

“Maybe?” Popcorn, peanuts, and fresh-cut grass invade my senses as I walk with Arya toward the baseball stadium lit up for a Friday night game.

That’s when I see Ender in his catcher’s gear, his back to me. Holy hell. He looks like a really hot Transformer.

“Hey,” I say, leaning into the fence behind where he’s warming up Roman, keeping my voice carelessly steady.

He whips his head around, eyes searching and then they land on mine. “Hads,” he breathes, smiling, lifting his face mask. He says my name like he’s relieved to see me. You see it, don’t you? That’s contentment, isn’t it? You know, don’t tell me even if it’s not. I don’t think my heart can handle it.

Ender tosses the ball in his hand at Roman. I’ve always thought baseball players were sexy in their uniforms, but Ender James in his catchers gear seals the deal for me. My entire body breaks out in sweat and my heart finds that familiar pattern it has anytime he’s near. I watch the way his black shirt clings to his bicep muscles underneath the chest protector, noticing he already looks bigger than the last time I saw him.

“Look.” Arya nods to the field where Roman is now talking to the coach. “There’s Roman.” With one look I can tell he’s changed this year. He’s a senior now, broad-shouldered and taller. “Last night he pitched a no-hitter.” Arya waves at him, and he waves back with a smile. “That hasn’t happened in like five years at this school.”

“That’s impressive.” When I turn back to find Ender, I’m met with another smile before he disappears into the dugout with his teammates. “He’s pitching again tonight?”

“He wasn’t supposed to, but our other pitcher has a torn rotator cuff so that only leaves Roman.” Arya tugs on my arm. “Let’s go sit down.”

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