Page 46 of Paper Hearts

“Wait.” I frown, my brows drawn together as we sit on the dock. Same place Ender asked me to say dick the other night. “I thought you liked Roman.”

Her shoulders sag. “I do, but he won’t touch me without Ender’s approval.”

“And that’snevergonna happen,” I finish, knowing Ender doesn’t approve of anyone for his only sister.

“Carter didn’t give a fuck though.” She beams, pulling her shirt down.

“What did you guys do?”

“He stuck his hand in my panties.” She blushes, eyes shining still. She covers her face with both hands, the pink blossoming into red heat. “I had afuckingorgasm. It didn’t take long. He knew what the hell he was doing, that’s for sure. It was kinda weird, but not really. He licked his fingers and it freaked me out a bit.”

My head spins as I try to keep up with what she’s telling me. “I can’t believe you did that with Carter of all people.” I pause and think about what she’d said. Orgasm. “How do you know you had one?” I bite my lip, knowing I was so close the other night before the minor fire incident in the barn.

“Oh, I’m sure.” Arya’s nods. “Nothing comes close tothatfeeling. You’ll know.” And then she stares at me curiously. “You’ve never made yourself have one?”

“No.” I shake my head. “I don’t know how.” Had she? I’ve never felt so inexperienced as I do now.

I think about Ender and me in the barn. Ender sent me a text later that night and said he had to finish without me.

Did that mean… an orgasm? I was too embarrassed to ask. I alsoreallywant to find out.

I look over at Arya and sigh. “How do you make yourself have one?”

She laughs, and it sounds like Ender’s laugh. “Come on.” And then she jumps in the lake and begins to wade into the water until it’s over her shoulders.

I groan as I stand up, my shoulders sagging. I shouldn’t have asked. “What are you doing?”

She waves me forward. “Come with me.”

I slide off the dock and follow her, tying my hair up as we go. The sun is fading to the west, the lake water rippling around us as boats speed by. I don’t pay attention to any of that though. I scan my surroundings.

Groaning, I walk slower. “What are we doing?”

In the distance I can see Ender and the other guys on the deck. Ender’s sitting in a chair, relaxed, feet up on the railing and tipping back slightly in the chair with sunglasses on his face. I can’t tell if he’s watching us or not. I do know his mere presence is intimidating to me and I find it hard to focus on anything Arya is saying.

Arya stands in front of me, grinning. “Now stick your hand down the front of your suit.”

“What?” I level her a what the hell look. “Are you serious?”

She nods. “You heard me. Do it.”

I shift from one foot to another, the mud on the bottom of the lake squishing between my toes. “Why?”

“Nobody can see what you’re doing. Just do it.”

My eyes flint to Ender. I can’t tell, but I think he’s watching us. His head’s turned our way. His head twists to the side and he’s talking to Carter now. “He might.”

“He does it. All the freaking time. Dude spends so much time in the shower.” My stomach tightens at the thought and Arya grabs onto my shoulders. “At least this way you’ll know whatyouwant.”

I frown at my best friend, my face so hot even my cheeks are burning. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.”

“Do you want to know or not?”

“Fine.” This is by far the weirdest thing I’ve ever done in my life. “What do I do?”

In probably the most bizarre series of events, Arya tells me how to find my clit and stroke it until it feels like I have to pee. She literally used those words. While I will admit to feeling some of the same sensations I did when I was dry humping Ender, it’s not the same. I want him between my legs, not my own hand. And it’s super weird having Arya try to coax me into it.

“I can’t do it,” I cry, shoving away from her and swimming backward.

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