Page 49 of Paper Hearts

With what looks to be something clear in a plastic cup I know is not water, Ender sits next to me, our legs touching.

He leans in, his breath blowing over my ear as he asks, “Whose shirt are you wearing?” he asks, and I don’t know why he does. He knows.

I look down at the black hoodie I’m keeping warm with. The one that touches the tops of my knees and smells nothing like the boy next to me. I don’t answer Ender, but I do search his eyes. His blues look different. Sadder than before, and I begin to realize this is the first time he’s ever looked at me like this. I’ve upset him.

“It’s mine,” Cason answers, looking hesitant, watching the bonfire. “She was cold so I offered it to her.”

Ender’s eyes shift to Cason, the chaos in his head clear. It’s easy to see because it’s in the fisting of his hands and the tightening of his jaw. A condescending smirk surfaces.

“I was going to give it back.” I shrug.

“How fucking nice of you,” Ender mumbles, looking to Walker and Roman with laughter on his lips. They laugh, following his lead as Ender sits forward, hanging his arms on his knees and then slides his eyes to mine. It’s like he’s waiting for me to take it off.

“Why are you acting like such a jerk?” I snap, trying to make him feel an ounce of the discomfort he’s making me feel.

His stare holds mine, and I think maybe he wants to snap back at me, but he’s never raised his voice at me before. Not once have I seen this side of him. Heard about, and he even told me it existed, but I haven’t witnessed it first-hand. Until now. “Take it off,” he mouths, keeping our eyes connected. I stare at him, a wildfire brewing behind blue-eyed envy.

I don’t know why, but I take it off, fearing if I don’t, whatever this is between Ender and I will be over. I can’t possibly stand the idea of upsetting him. Anger rises in me, heating and prickling my skin. Embarrassed, I get up and leave the fire, intending on heading back to Aunt Leslie’s. Tears surface and before I know it, they’re falling and I can’t help it.

Ender follows me, jogging to catch up. He corners me on the side of Aunt Leslie’s house and though I can’t see his eyes, I can feel the change in the air. He steps closer and I’m suspended in a moment, waiting to see his reaction. His eyes narrow and he touches his fingertips to my collarbone and makes a path to my shoulder. “I’ll break his face if I see you wearing his shirt again.”

“Why are you acting like this?” I jerk my arm away and start walking in the other direction, determined to get away from him.

“Hads!” He groans, knowing he fucked up. He stares at me with panic written on his face. “I’m sorry. I just… I don’t want your wearing his shirt. What’s wrong with that?”

I bite my lip, unsure if I believe him. “I don’t want Kamila wearing yours, but she does when I’m not around, doesn’t she?”

He shrugs. “I don’t ask her to. She stole a couple, but it’s not like she’s my girlfriend. I already told you that.”

I bite my lip and brush my tears away. “What am I?”

His weight shifts and he backs me up against the house again. The warm wood heats my back. “You’re more than my girlfriend, Hads. You’re my best friend.”

I can’t tell if he’s being truthful, but when he smiles and captures my lips, I want to believe him. I do. He’s not giving us a title, but he’s also not denying me.

“I didn’t invite him here. I wouldn’t have done that. Our love is ours,” I add, but I’m not sure he hears me.

He’s kissing me with intent now, his hands cupping my breasts over my shirt. A shiver works through me, and while I want to sneak him into my room, his dad comes around the corner.

I eye him over Ender’s shoulder as he’s kissing my neck, my cheeks bright red. I push on Ender’s shoulders, but he doesn’t relent.

“Ender,” his dad snaps. “Get in the house.”

Ender sighs and backs away from me, pulling at the front of his shorts before turning to face his dad. “What?”

Theo eyes me, and then Ender. “I said get inside. We need to talk.”

“No,” Ender barks. “Talk to me here.”

Theo raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms over his chest. “You really want her to hear what I have to say?”

I can’t see Ender’s face, but his entire body tenses and he looks over his shoulder at me. “I’ll be back later.”

He won’t. I know how this plays out. Theo yells at him for whatever he did wrong and Ender leaves for the night.

As Ender walks away, I head back inside Aunt Leslie’s. I hear the roar of his truck twenty minutes later and know Theo pissed him off again.

Arya comes into my room, through my window, and stumbles onto the floor. “Where’d Ender go?”

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