Page 51 of Paper Hearts

I need more.

Tugging at the waist band of his shorts, I grip anywhere I can, desperate to make him do that again. My answer is to squirm beneath him. The reaction causes him to drag his erection against my center again, and again until my knees fall open.

Ender’s tongue sweeps my bottom lip. “Have you had sex yet, Hads?”

A good part of me is apprehensive to answer the question because I fear how he’ll respond. What will he ask after he finds out I’m a virgin? Will he ask me to have sex with him? Will I say no? If it feels anything like what’s happening now, I don’t think I will.

“I’m fifteen,” I answer eventually. “What the hell kind of question is that?”

He chuckles softly, lifting his head and searching my eyes in the low lighting. “What does your age have to do with it?”

Age doesn’t matter, and I inadvertently knocked my own innocence. “I’m not that girl.”

“No, you’re not.” He sighs, seeming satisfied with my answer, his kisses slowing. “You’re not like that.”

“I’ve never been in love.” I’m not sure why I add that, because I know enough to know you don’t need to be in love to have sex.Cough, Becca,cough.

But Ender makes me so damn nervous that word vomit keeps happening. I constantly find myself saying and doing things I never thought I would.

Ender studies me, considering his next question or move, maybe. He swallows, his hips still, and I want so badly to urge him forward. “You don’t have to be in love to have sex.”

I nod, the tightness in my throat suffocating me. Do you notice the trust in my eyes? I’d let this boy above me do anything he wanted, and I think it scares both of us. Maybe him more than me, because I see his hesitation.

He kisses me deeper and I wrap my legs around his waist. The position brings us closer together and Ender’s legs tense, his hips jerking forward in the most delicious, magical movement. I feel it from the backs of my thighs, up my butt cheeks and in my freaking toes. It’s quick, but I’m eager to get that feeling back.

So I wiggle, trying to find the right spot, my hands threading in his hair. I don’t know how Arya doesn’t hear us, because I feel like I’m running a marathon at how much I’m panting and breathing.

“Have you had sex?” I know the answer, but I’m curious what he’s going to say.

He nods, but I don’t get an answer. Maybe he’s too winded because he’s breathing really hard, his hands on my ass, driving himself into his movements. He stops suddenly though, his body trembling before he puts his lips at my ear. “Would you let me?”

“Let you what?” I arch my back, staring at the ceiling fan above my bed.

And then he says, “Fuck you,” the words rumbling through me like his touch, rough, eager, any innocence in his touch vanishing.

Stupid me giggles into the space between his collarbone and neck at his vulgar words. “Okay. But I didn’t know you wanted to… do that with me.”

“Yes, you did.” His words break and tremble like his hips, desperate to make me feel good. “Touch me… there…”

There? What’s he talking about? I search his eyes. “Where?”

Removing his hand from my butt, he unwraps one of my hands from around his neck to between us. His breath speeds as he watches my hand slide between us. He takes a shuddering breath, closing his eyes and guides my hand inside his shorts. Um, yeah, I’m touching it. It’s the bravest, most unreal thing I’ve ever done. And it’s bigger than I imagine it would be, smooth, warm, and extremely hard. I move my fingertips over the head and the ridges. I can’t believe how soft it is. Like velvet. I want to squeal. And then I want to vomit. I’m touching his freaking penis!

“See.” He moves his hips, thrusting into my hand. “I do want you. In ways I shouldn’t.”

He’s right. He does, and I have no idea what I’m doing.

Removing my hand, he pulls back. “We have to stop.”

“Why?” There’s panic in my voice and I clutch his shoulders, not wanting to let him go. “Don’t stop. It feels good.”

“I know it does, Hads.” He kisses me once more, but I see it in his eyes. He’s terrified. “But if I don’t, I might go too far with you.”

“That’s okay.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “It’s not.”

“Please,” I beg. “I want you to give me an orgasm.”

---