Page 54 of Paper Hearts

“For you.” He leads me to the bed, wrapping his arms around my waist and slowly lowering us to the bed. He moves between my legs, his lips eagerly inching over mine. “What took you so long?”

I shift underneath him, widening my legs. “I had to wait for A to fall asleep.”

The air conditioner kicks on, swirling cool air with warm breath. Getting to his knees, Ender hovers over me, his hands on the sides of my hips at the waistband of my cotton shorts. His eyes are dark, skin warm as my hands slide to his bare chest, pushing back slightly. His pulse races under my touch.

“Are you okay?” I sit up to circle my hands around his neck.

His entire body is trembling. “No, I’m not.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he mumbles, giving me his weight again, but it’s different. He’s not as gentle as before and I can feel his pulse racing. His movements are rushed, never remaining in one spot for long. At my lips, my neck, my chest, and then moving back to my lips. With his grip tight, he’s hard under his shorts, pushing against me sometimes but never taking the leap to actually take my clothes off.

“Ender,” I whisper, kissing the side of his face when his hips move again.

He doesn’t say anything, but he looks at me, waiting.

I touch his rough cheek. “Do you think of me?”

His jaw tightens under my touch and he blinks slowly. “More than I want to.”

“I mean after the summer.”

“I’m always thinking of you, Hads.” He presses his lips to mine. “Even when I shouldn’t be.” And then his breath hitches and he swallows. “Do you think of me then, like this?”

“Yes. Always,” I answer, struggling to keep my voice even.

“No, I mean…” His arms that are holding him up buckle a little and he hesitates. “Have you touched yourself and thought of me yet.”

My cheeks burn and the warmth between my legs spreads. “I told you, I don’t know how. I don’t know what to do.”

His lashes lower slowly. “I can show you what to do.”

I move my hand that’s on his shoulder to his lips. “How do you do it?”

A smirk lifts his lips. “You mean how do I jerk off?”

I nod, a heavy weight on my chest, and it’s like I can’t breathe. Or I’m taking too many breathes. Whatever’s happening, it’s too much and my body starts shaking. “Yeah.”

“Seriously?” He laughs.

I cover my face and groan.

Ender growls in my ear. “Fuck, that’s a sexy sound. Do it again.”

I can’t. I’m shaking too bad.

“Are you okay?” he asks, stopping his movements between my legs, but he’s so hard and I want so badly for him to rub against me faster. I don’t know what I need, but I want it. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

I drop my hands. “I’m not embarrassed. I don’t know what I want. It feels good and I want more, but I’m scared.”

He rolls off me but keeps me close to his side. The moon lights his face like it did the other night and I see a faint glimpse of innocence in him I’ve never seen before. “We should slow down.”

“Why?” I whine, tangling my legs with his. “I want to have another orgasm. I want to… have sex.”

He smiles and winks. “We will. Someday.” He kisses me once, twice, and then pulls back. “I promise.”

He pulls back and I sit up on my elbows. “Why can’t we have sex now?”

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