Page 57 of Paper Hearts

Everyone laughs, and Fisher asks me, “Have you fucked End yet?”

I glare at him and refuse to answer. “Dare.”

“Fine.” Fisher smirks. “Kiss Carter.”

My eyes widen. I should have known he was going to do that.

“Oh, shit just got real!” Arya gleams, puckering her lips at me. “You can’t back out now.”

Carter groans, his hand in hair now. “He’ll kill me if he finds out.”

“He who? Ender?” I laugh. And by his expression, I don’t think Carter means for anyone to hear his comment. Still, he gives me a warning. I know very well what he’s warning me about, or ratherwho. Ender.

I wonder what he’d do if he showed up and saw us? Me drinking, experiencing a first without him. But I wouldn’t be doing any of this if he would have showed up. I would be in his room with him, alone, probably.

I smile at Carter next to me. I don’t want to kiss him, not at all, but then again, part of me does. Why do I need to experience everything with Ender when he blew me off? I don’t. That’s the answer. I don’t owe Ender anything.

“You don’t have to,” Carter says, giving me an out, or maybe himself. “It’s just a stupid game.

“The fuck it is,” Arya reminds him, shoving his shoulder.

I think about the marks Carter made on Arya, and something snaps inside of me. It’s like I’ve convinced myself if Ender won’t give me what I want, maybe this guy will.

Instead of the denial I want to give, I push forward. Our faces our inches apart, our cool noses touching first. He smells like bonfire and beer. And bad decisions. Our hands fumble around only to come to rest on our laps as our lips meet one another’s. There aren’t sparks or anything like that, though his warm touch is soft and maybe even inviting, but it’s nothing like what I feel with Ender. It never could be.

“Nope. No way.” Arya tosses my shirt at me. “That doesn’t even count!” she yells, straddling Fisher’s lap like she’s riding him, one hand on her cowboy hat, the other on his shoulder. He almost falls off the side, catching himself with a strangled laugh. “If you’re going to kiss him, rock his damn world, girl.”

Ignoring them, I toss my empty cup at them. “I did the dare. Stop it.”

And fuck me if it doesn’t the next one isn’t directed at Carter.

It’s Daisy who instigates this one. “Truth or dare, Carter?”

His eyes slide to mine and while there’s hesitation, he doesn’t want to back down. “Dare,” he mumbles, shaking his head.

Fisher grins as Daisy says, “Give Hads a real kiss this time.”

This time Carter doesn’t give me a chance before he has his lips on mine, pressing me into the side of the truck. Sharp metal pokes into my back, my hands catching me from falling backward. The last thing I want is for Carter to fall on top of me.

Everyone begins laughing. Carter certainly gives them what they want. The worst part?

For a moment, I like the way his touch is sweet and his tongue tastes like cinnamon.

For that moment, Ender isn’t consuming my thoughts.

I take over the kiss. I use my body, straddle him, and knock his Sharks baseball cap off, hands in his hair, everything I’ve seen in movies play out. I’m confident and know what I want. I try to be Hazel and her sureness, and Becca and her sexy side.

And I am. I’m all those things because Ender has shown me how. He’s let me be curious and coaxed me along. Assured me I’m safe with him and here I am, kissing someone else.

I pull back immediately and distance myself. “Sorry,” I mumble, nearing tears. What did I do? Why did I kiss him like that?

Carter groans softly, and the next thing I hear is Arya laughing. “Bitch, you didn’t kiss me like that.”

And then I hear the low rumble of Ender’s 460 engine approaching and the lights dancing over the field.

My world stops. I know that sound.

“Fuck,” Carter mumbles, pushing away from the truck bed we’re in.

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