Page 61 of Paper Hearts

He presses a kiss to my lips, his words broken, struggling to find a breathing pattern. “You don’t even know what this means, do you?”

I shake my head. I don’t. I have no clue what even happens next. I can read about it, hear about it from friends but this, this consuming urge to push boundaries with him and the need to have more, is not something you can learn about second hand. It’s an experience and I have none, other than with this boy above me.

“I want more.”

He nods, but it’s not convincing. His hand finds my center and before I can comprehend what he’s doing, his fingers are inside me. I wrap my hand around his erection and he groans, pushing my hand down harder, rubbing against it.

Somehow my hand is pushed aside, and his attention is on pleasing me. “Do you want me to get you off?”

I nod. “I don’t know what that means.”

“An orgasm,” he breathes, rocking into my thigh. Still hovering over me, his arm trembles from the weight bearing down it. “Do you want me to give you another orgasm?”

I nod, again. “Okay.” My throat tightens and the ache between my legs is almost too much to handle.

As he slowly kisses my neck, he pushes his fingers into me, harder and harder until my legs fall open and my back curves. “I can’t wait to fuck you. You’re so tight and wet. I bet my cock would feel so good sliding inside you.”

I pant, having no idea what I’m agreeing to. I’m barely able to keep up with what’s happening inside me. While it’s not comfortable, it’s exciting and feels too good to stop “Why can’t we do it now?”

He shakes his head and takes my hand from my side and put it on his dick. “Not yet. You need to be older, baby.” I stroke him up and down, his hand guiding mine. “Like that.” Dropping his forehead onto my shoulder, he gasps. “Just like that, Hads.”

Wanting to see his face, I peek up at him, the moonlight from his open window silhouetting his eyes, alive with need as I continue my long, hard strokes.

“Stop for a second,” he tells me, working his thumb over my clit. “Or I’m gonna come before you.”

He twitches in my hand, holding it steady. He works faster between my legs, and I stare at his ceiling. It’s like I’m floating through the air and the only thing holding onto me is Ender.

“I got you, always. You’re my girl.” His words wash over me, my entire body breaking into a sweat, my thighs shaking. I can’t stay still so keep moving around, but Ender’s there, keeping me close to him. “God, I want to be inside this tight pussy so bad.”

I don’t know if it’s his dirty words or what he’s doing but I can’t catch my breath or keep my body still. With his thumb still on my clit, he sticks two fingers inside me, growling into my ear and rubbing his erection into my hip.

“I want…” I pause and arch my back. “You to fuck me,” I whisper, reaching for his wrist and pushing his fingers deeper inside me. “I want your cock inside me.” Yep. I said that. I don’t know what possessed me to say that, or where I heard it, but I say it and things change in a blink of an eye.

Ender’s body jerks forward and his entire demeanor changes. He’s kissing me harder and then he’s between my legs. Only he’s not inside me. He’s rubbing his bare erection between my legs against my pubic bone.

It’s…everything. So much more than I would have ever imagined. With every drag over my clit, I climb higher and higher, and Ender loses himself completely. He’s grunting, panting, kissing—never in one spot for long—and if I wasn’t so focused on what I’m feeling, I’d be worried about him.

My orgasm rakes through me at the same time Ender gasps, barely able to get out the words “I’m gonna come.” It’s not long before his body begins to shake, his words returning against my lips as we share breaths, his chest heaving, eyes losing mine. He lets out the sexiest grunt, his body tensing, and warmth spreads on my stomach.

I want this side of him—vulnerable and on the edge of control—forever. I never want to look back.

Ender chuckles, lifting up on his hands and staring at me. “Now do you see how weak you make me?”

I search his eyes, still trying to even my breathing. “I want you too.”

I study his face, look deep into his eyes and that’s when I know this boy will always have a choke hold on my heart. Not because I’m young, not because I’m naïve, but because he’s the first one to show me how good loving wild and untamed could feel.

24

WHEN HE FACETIMED ME ON CHRISTMAS

Idon’t hear from Ender as much as I want. He’s busy in his senior year and playing baseball year-round. I can’t blame him for that.

By winter though, I’m depressed, unable to eat, unable to sleep some nights. It’s hard when I don’t have a lot of friends at home. Sadly, I don’t try to make them either. I know it’s not healthy. I read a lot. I get lost in romance novels, thrillers, rom-coms, and anything to take my mind off Ender.

Nothing works.

My mom lets me have Snap Chat. Ender sends inappropriate snaps to me. Most of which are of him with no shirt on. I send him some after I get out of the shower, just a cleavage shot, and immediately regret it. But he sends me back one with his hand inside his shorts so I think it went over well.

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