Page 68 of Paper Hearts

It’s in my mouth, thick, warm and… bitter. I hold it under my tongue and try to talk. “What do I do?”

He laughs. “You can spit it out.” His brow pinches together, pulling his shorts up and then he locks his eyes on mine with the moonlight shinning on his face. “Or swallow.”

I don’t do anything, I stare at him, waiting for him to tell me what he wants.

Leaning in, he pants into my cheek, a smirk curving his lips. “Swallow it, Hads.”

So I do and he smiles, touching my cheek. “Did you like it?”

He smirks and buttons his shorts. I’m not granted words, but the wink tells me what I need to know.

Things are changing for us. I have no title, probably never will, but I have this.

* * *

As the summer fades,Ender spends less time at the lake and more time working. He’s not playing baseball anymore and I think to fill his time, he pours himself into his job. He’s doing tile work, which surprises me seeing how he didn’t want to work in the construction trade.

We spend our nights partying, sleeping in tents, sneaking around behind the prying eyes of everyone else. Though we’re not hiding around our friends, Ender’s careful with how far he lets me take anything regardless of who’s around. I feel silly at times that I want to take it further, but still, he holds me at bay. I get why he is, but the denial doesn’t make it any easier. Isn’t it supposed to be the guy begging for the girl’s virginity?

Ender’s not that way. He’s protecting mine.

It’s late one evening when Ender returns to the lake while I’m on the dock writing in the journal he gave me.

I hear the dock creak and don’t have to look up to know it’s him. The sun is sinking fast, the air almost suffocating with the intensity of the humidity and heat. I pause my writing, my pen inches from the deckle-edge paper, and smile when he leans down and presses a kiss to the top of my head.

Sighing, I close the journal and look up. He smirks and takes a seat next to me with a Pepsi in his hand. “Did you just get off work?”

He nods and bumps his shoulder into mine as I steal his Pepsi this time. “What are you writing?”

I hold the notebook closer to my chest, take a drink of the Pepsi, and hand it back. “I don’t know.”

His blue eyes narrow on mine and he sets the Pepsi aside. “Are you afraid to let me see?”

“Maybe a little.” I grip the edges of the lace tighter. “Nervous I guess.”

He leans back and then lays down on the dock, staring up at the sky. “Why?”

I shrug one shoulder, my eyes on the sky above us. It’s a vibrant shade of purple and pink. “Because it’s personal.”

He smirks playfully, his fingers dancing along my back under my shirt. He takes a fist full of my shirt and yanks me back into his chest. “Define personal,” he whispers in my ear. His words send a spark through me, my nipples tightening.

Laughter erupts from my lips before I can stop it. “Different kind of personal.”

I lay beside him on the dock, still clinging to the journal. He turns his head and looks over at me. His eyes soften as he searches mine. “Would you let me?”

My heart pounds harder in my chest. “Let you what?”

“Read it.”

My stomach drops and my breathing falters. “Uh, no.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s my deepest thoughts.” I giggle, shaking my head faster. “My secrets.”

There’s a mischievous twinkle in his eyes now. “Now I definitely need to read this.” And before I know it, he’s on top of me, trying to take my notebook from me.

I cross my arms over my chest, squirming and holding my journal tight. “Never!”

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