Page 85 of Paper Hearts

Roman doesn’t know. His mom hasn’t heard from him, even his boss doesn’t know where he went. He’s not at work. His apartment is empty. It’s as if he’s completely vanished from our lives.

* * *

“I’m sopissed at him right now, Arya,” I tell her as we unpack in our dorm a week before school starts. “I’m so mad because I feel like everything I’ve ever felt and said didn’t mean shit to him.”

We’re living together in a two-bedroom apartment in Busbee Hall with another student, Kendal. What a fucking mess that girl is. She makes Arya look tame and normal. And we all know that’s not the case.

Arya gives me a comforting smile. “Don’t. You were his friend, and he loved you in his own weird, unstable way. I say that because I know.”

If I can believe anyone, it’s Arya. “Have you heard from him?” I know she hasn’t because she would have told me, but I ask anyway.

“No. I even called Greer to see if he’d heard from him. Nothing.”

I sit down on the bed, holding a picture of all of us at the lake. It’s the one taken right before he found me under the deck, just as the sun dips below the trees. It’s the one of our silhouettes, beers in hand. My favorite picture of us. Ender’s standing next to me, his arm around my shoulder, happiness on his face, and I’d give anything to get back to that moment and change what happened hours later.

Arya sits next to me. “Ender ran away when he was ten to the basement. Mom and Dad called the police and everything and never knew he was down there. He decided to come back up when CPS got involved.” Arya scrunches her eyebrows, looking confused. “Or maybe it was the FBI? Hell, I have no idea. I just know that if he doesn’t want to be bothered, you’ll never find him.”

“He’s such a jerk.” I sigh, letting out the heavy breath. “I mean, who does he really think he is besides a controlling, jerky bastard with epic commitment issues?”

Arya stares and then hands me a beer she stuffed in her suitcase. “You could say that, yes, but that’s a mouth full. I prefer asshole.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you want me to kick his ass? Doubt that,” she answers herself, taking a drink of the beer. “Too predictable.” She thinks for about half a second. “I know… how about I set his truck on fire?”

“That won’t work. We can’t find him, remember?”

Every five minutes she comes up with another way of hurting her older brother. None I agree to because I don’t want to hurt him. I want him to love me.

Drawing in a breath, I look over at Arya’s bag on the floor and the box of tampons inside it. I think back to the last time I had my period, trying to remember if I have enough to get me through my next one.

I count back the days and then it hits me. I haven’t had my period since the week before I left for the lake. I gasp and cover my mouth. “Oh shit.”

Arya stares at me. “What? Do you know where he went?”

“Maybe the same place my period went?”

“What?”

“Arya.” I pause and stand up, pacing the room we’re in. “We didn’t… use anything.”

She gasps, her eyes as wide as mine. “What? When?”

“That night we had sex at the graduation party.”

“You didn’t? Why not?”

“I don’t know,” I cry, shaking out my hands. “I was too caught up in wanting to finally have sex with him. “What do I do?”

She stands up, her hands on my shoulders. “We go get tacos… and a pregnancy test.”

“Okay.” I blow out a breath, nodding to everything she’s saying. “But why tacos?”

She reaches for her purse and keys. “Because I’m starving.”

* * *

Twenty-eight minutes later,Arya and I are standing in a bathroom at a Texaco, reading the instructions to a pregnancy test while I chug a bottle of orange juice. There’s a guy outside the door asking us to hurry up, and Arya’s laughing at me.

---