Page 90 of Paper Hearts

“Hadleigh?” she asks, blinking steadily, as if she’s not sure it’s me.

I nod and adjust my bag on my shoulder. There’s no hiding my stomach.

“Oh, wow,” she says, tucking her dark hair behind her ears as she eyes my swollen stomach.

I place my hand on my stomach and sip the Starbucks refresher in my hand. “Yep. Knocked up.”

She blows out a breath and tries to hide the pain in her eyes, but she can’t. “Let me guess, Ender’s?”

I nod. “Yep.”

There’s a certain amount of hesitation to her face, but she rearranges her features and looks over my shoulder. “How is he?”

My heart lodges in my throat and I fight through the anxiety. “He’s happy.” That part might not be a lie. Wherever he is, maybe he is happy. But the next part is a flat-out freaking lie. “We’re getting married.”

Kamila chuckles. “Yeah, okay. Ender getting married?” She shakes her head and steps away. “Sorry to disappoint you, but that’s never going to work. You think he was actually thinking of you when he left the lake after your summers?”

Your summers? Well, she had that part right. My face heats and I want to punch her in the face. “I don’t know what he did when he left the lake,” I admit, not knowing what else to say.

I can see it clear on her face. Jealousy. She leans in, as if she’s hugging me, and I don’t have to see her face to know she’s probably lying too when she whispers, “He was fucking his demons out with any girl who would spread her legs for him.”

I step back and force a smile through my devastation. “Have a nice life, Kamila. I truly hope you find happiness.”

I turn and walk away from her, and though I’m not sure if she’s being truthful, part of me believes her. The other part thinks I know Ender better than that. Or maybe I never knew him at all, but I can tell you the best part of him is inside me.

I head back to the house, drop my bags in the entry way, and find Arya sitting on the couch studying. She holds up her psychology book. “I think I’m an introvert.”

“You’re not. You’re too outgoing for that.”

“Oh, true.” She looks up and notices my mood. “What’s wrong? Who do I need to murder?”

“Kamila.”

“Oh fuck yeah. I’m dying to knock that bitch out.” She closes her book and watches me sit next to her. “What happened?”

“I saw her at Starbucks.”

“And?”

“I lied, said Ender I were getting married.”

Arya raises an eyebrow. “And that pissed her off,” she deduces, knowing Kamila.

“She said Ender fucked around after he left the lake.”

Arya shakes her head. “She wouldn’t know. He was never with her.”

“What did he do when I wasn’t around? I mean, she has a point. Nine months out of the year, I never saw him.”

Arya twists toward me, sitting on her feet. “He… was Ender. Quiet. Kept to himself when he was at home, avoided Dad at all costs.” Her face rearranges and sadness surfaces. “Dad… he used to… hit Ender. When he was younger. A lot.”

I knew, though Ender never said anything, and Arya didn’t either. It was like an unspoken secret of the James household I never touched in fear I wouldn’t be able to save Ender from the spiral he was in. And in truth, I couldn’t, because here I am alone.

“Anything Ender did that wasn’t what Dad thought was right, he’d hurt him because he thought that was the answer. Beat him until he understood you treat Theo James with respect. Only it drove Ender further and further from reality until the only escape he had was either drugs or alcohol. So when he wasn’t playing baseball, he was high or drunk, but he wasn’t fucking around like she says. He never brought girls to the house, so if he was doing that, it surprises the hell out of me. He never said it but he loved you. Every time you were mentioned, his fucking face lit up and you saw it in his eyes.”

And I’m crying. Again.

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