Page 81 of Delayed Offsides

During the offseason,hockey players get bored after a while. For one, there’s sun and we’re the boys of winter. And two, we fucking live for pranking people. The offseason is boring.

The shit that entertains us is unheard of at times. Silly things. But it always comes back to pranks and trying to one-up the other guy.

And, my friends, is how tonight happens.

Mase and I paid for Rosco to come back to Chicago. You remember Rosco, right? Dude has a job at a pizza place and is now the assistant manager. It gives me a new appreciation for the homeless and that sadistic fucker who pissed on me.

Rosco is all about the pranks. Loves them. And it turns out he likes Ryan. Okay, not like you’re thinking. I think he feels bad for him because he’s so dumb.

Ryan’s roommate, Shelby, gets us a key to his apartment for our next joke. We wait until the right time, weeks later, when we know Ryan will be on a date and bringing a girl home.

That’s when we send Rosco over to his apartment to have some fun.

Only this time we want to see the action for ourselves. Shelby sets up a camera with a live feed and brings the laptop over. We won’t get audio, but we will have a visual this time.

The night he’s set to go on his date, we gather at my condo to watch. I’m not sure if it’s going to be rated R or not, so I turn to Callie and Ami, who are just as excited as us. “You may see dick on here.”

They both glance at one another and then shrug. “We’re okay with that.”

I smile at Callie, who’s now on my lap, her arm around my shoulder, my fresh beer in the other hand. “Damn, I’ve got you trained now.”

She slaps the back of my head. “I’ve seen Shawzer’s dick, unfortunately. You’re gonna have to get close to the screen, or you’ll miss it.”

I snort. “Me too. It ain’t pretty. It’s like a scared turtle trying to peek out to see if the coast is clear.”

“Way too much information,” Ami notes, her cheeks flushed.

Mase laughs. “Don’t look. It’ll only scare you.”

So here we are, laughing, joking, having a good time together, and waiting on Ryan to come home with the girl. That’s when we see Rosco go hide behind the couch with a bowl of popcorn. A minute later, in walks Ryan with a dude.

A motherfucking dude.

“Hey—” I shake my head, sighing. “I’m not judging him, but I’m not at all surprised by that!”

Mase, and everyone else, gape at the screen in shock, unsure of what we’re seeing. “I didn’t know he was gay,” Ami notes, her brows drawn together.

On the screen, Ryan grabs beers, and he and the guy sit on the couch together, talking. It’s like five minutes, maybe, and the other guy scoots closer, and Ryan places his hand on his thigh, the other on his cheek. Just as he leans in, Rosco slowly pops up from behind the couch, eating the popcorn one kernel at a time.

Ryan pauses, inches before his lips meet the dude’s, points at the screen, and grins. We don’t need audio to know what he says.

“Eat that, fuckers!”

Mase and I turn to Shelby. Mase punches his shoulder. “You fuckin’ snitch!”

“He gave me a hundred bucks to play you.” As if that’s a justifiable defense on his part.

I smack the side of his head. “You make a million five a year! Why the hell ya need a hundred bucks?”

“I can’t pass up a dare like that. You fuckers messed with me all season.” He laughs. “And your faces are pretty solid right now.”

Callie sits back down on my lap, smiling. My hand instinctively goes to her growing belly. Believe it or not, or maybe you can believe this, but I haven’t felt him move. Until now. On a day when everyone is laughing and joking, my son kicks my hand. Probably to tell me to shut the fuck up, but still, I feel the life inside my girl moving.

My eyes snap to Callie’s. “Did he move?”

There’s a moment between us, surrounded by everyone, when our eyes lock. She nods, covering my hand with hers. “Every time he hears you laugh, he moves.”

I chuckle, moving my hand lower, following the trail of flutters over her stomach. “Either that or he’s annoyed. Probably thinking, who’s this fuckin’ guy, Ma?”

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