Page 35 of Between the Stars

I panic. My chest tightens and I wonder if Griff is looking for me. I leave town and now he can’t get a hold of me? My brother wouldn’t say anything. Mom? Nah.

Dad? I’m fucked. He’d rat Jace out in a heartbeat.

Jace draws in a breath and I watch his chest expand. He’s disappointed. I think about when I got pregnant at seventeen, and how different our lives would have been. I picture him like I do Barron with his girls. All in, devoted to their happiness, and my heart swells. I picture Griff, and I don’t have the same image. Our kids would be in boarding schools and have nannies. Private play dates and organized events. It’s vivid, and at the same time, disturbing.

He leans in, his eyes lost. “I know that look. You had the same one that night.”

I level him with a stare and angrily state, “Why do you keep bringing up that night?”

“I’m not trying to. Just stating a fact.”

“That you didn’t choose me.” I’ll admit, my tone is a tad irritated. Okay, it’s pissed off. He had his chance, and he let me go. So why am I back here? Because I’m an idiot and I keep giving him chances, waiting to see when I’ll be enough that he can’t let me go.

Silence stretches between us before he whispers, “Couldn’t. There’s a difference.”

My defensive attitude softens. “Why?”

“You know why.” He blinks, shifting his eyes to the fire.

I stare at his profile. He’s beautiful, rugged, manly, and sadly, untouchable to a certain extent. “I don’t know. You didn’t exactly give me an answer, Jace.”

“Why can’t you just tell me how you feel and that you love me? That’s all I’m asking from you. Choose me.”

“Even if I do, it doesn’t mean anything.”

That was the only answer he gave me back then.

He turns his head back toward mine. He’s giving me that same expression he gives anyone who challenges him. Emotionless yet intimidating “Do you really think Kurtis Lockett would have allowed us to be together after everything that went down?”

I know what he’s referring to. My dad wouldn’t approve of him, for reasons I don’t understand. He’s never truly given Jace a chance. But I hold my ground. “Since when do you back down to anyone?”

“I do when your future is involved.”

I think about his words, longer than I want to. “You didn’t when I was pregnant. You said I’d never be alone.”

He’s stone silent and I think I’ve upset him.

I swallow, try to form words, but nothing comes. I’m trapped in the moment with him, afraid to ask, but dying to know. “Do you ever think about it?”

His eyes are on the fire now, avoiding me. “What?”

“What it would have been like.”

He exhales through flared nostrils, leaning forward. “If we had a baby at seventeen?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

Jace takes a sip of his whiskey, staring straight ahead. “I don’t think it would have been a good thing.”

“Why?”

The sadness returns to his eyes. “Because I know your dad.”

“Regardless of him.”

“I don’t know.” He takes a long swallow of his drink, his expression guarded. “Barron certainly didn’t have it easy.”

“I’m not Tara though. I would have never left my kids.”

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