Page 57 of Shades of Scars

Once I’ve plopped myself down into one of the uncomfortable chairs, I catch her eye and arch a brow at her. “You made an appointment before I even agreed to come.” Normally, I’d be irritated with her for trying to take control of my life like that, but I didn’t care much at the moment. I’m just looking forward to possibly getting some meds out of this visit to help combat the constant nausea I’ve been feeling.

“I’ve been stuck listening to you dry heave your guts up for the past two days. Of course I made you an appointment. I told you that you were going to come, even if I had to get one of those alphas of yours to do it.” She shrugs, and my jaw clenches at that.

I don’t look at her when I say, “They aren’t mine.” The lie tastes like ash on my tongue. Kate snorts, but she blessedly keeps her opinion to herself. I only told her a little about what happened. Enough to get her to lay off of me and keep them the hell away from the apartment for the time being.

Though that doesn’t stop them from hanging around on the bench across the street. Today is actually the first day I’ve been out since I came home that day from their penthouse three weeks ago. I’ve been spending the majority of my time moping around and sketching.

We lapse into silence for about ten minutes before a short, dark haired beta nurse steps out of the back hall with a clipboard in her hands, calling my name. I rise, palm clenching against my stomach when the nausea makes my stomach gurgle uncomfortably.

Kate rises to her feet, too, and I give her a look. “You don’t need to come back with me.”

“Try to stop me from finding out if my bestie is preg-”

“Kate!” I hiss, cutting her off before she can say it. “Just stop it. That’s not even possible.” She rolls her eyes, but I am being fucking serious. She doesn’t know my reasons behind my resolve on the situation, but it doesn’t matter, either.

I ignore her while I stalk after the nurse. She leads us to a small room, different from the one I’d been in before when I was here last. Once inside, she shuts the door behind us, and gestures for me to get up on the exam table. “Can you tell me a little about what’s brought you in today, Miss Reighn?” The nurse is polite enough, so I quickly state my symptoms, and she scribbles some notes down on the clipboard she’s holding.

“Can you tell me the dates of your last heat cycle?” She doesn’t look up from the board as she asks this, and I can feel Kate’s gaze boring into the side of my head.

I chew on my lip as I think. “I’m usually pretty regular. June fifteenth through the nineteenth.” The nurse looks up at me and studies me for a moment.

“Any unprotected intercourse during that time?” I shake my head before she’s even finished asking. My stomach is twisting itself up in knots, and I can feel sweat beginning to bead along my brow the more my brain starts to overthink all of this.

She frowns, glancing briefly over at Kate, before returning her attention to me. “Any unprotected intercourse at all since the last day of your last heat cycle?”

I grit my teeth, hesitating for a moment before I nod. “Listen, I don’t know what this has to do with anything. I think I have the flu. Can you just give me a nose swab for that?” The nurse’s attention is wholly on me now, and I don’t like the way she’s looking at me.

It’s the same look Kate’s been giving me since she dragged me out of our bathroom earlier to bring me here.

“If you’re pretty regular for your heats, you would have had one two weeks ago?” She words it like a question, and my neck is stiff as I nod again. Her lips purse in thought. “I’d like to run a pregnancy test just to rule it out. I can still perform the Influenza nose swab as well.”

“I don’t need a pregnancy test. I can’t be pregnant. I didn’t have sex during my last heat. I’m not stupid. I know how omega biology works. Pregnancy outside of a heat is impossible. Especially for me.” I say through clenched teeth with strict vehemence.

“My bestie here is forgetting to mention that she’s been getting it on with her scent matched alphas over the last few weeks.” Kate chimes in, and my head snaps towards her to glare at her. She just shrugs like she’s not bothered by me at all.

“Ah, yes. That’ll do it.” The nurse smiles at me when I drag my gaze back to her. My heart is slamming against my rib cage now, disbelief and anger warring within me.

“It’s not possible.” I shake my head, and I hate the knowing look she gives me. She doesn’t understand. Neither does Kate. “We’re wasting time, just as you’ll be wasting a test.” I growl.

“Is there a reason you are so adamant against the possibility? Because it is possible, my dear. Especially if your recent intercourse has been with your scent-”

“I’m infertile, OK! I can’t be pregnant!” I can’t help myself. I explode. I lose control for a split second, and my shout echos around the room. A stunned silence falls over the exam room, and I realize then that I am panting after expelling some of my pent up emotions. “I’m sorry…” I add, trailing off. “I just can’t be pregnant. I was diagnosed as infertile last year.”

I look down to my hands clenched into fists in my lap. I can’t look at the nurse or Kate. I suddenly feel so goddamn raw. If I look at either of them, I think I might lose it. I can’t allow myself to fall into those memories and emotions. I’d already accepted this fate a long time ago.

It’s literally the only thing that has granted me my freedom in the first place.

I’m fucking defective. A worthless omega that can’t even do the one thing I’d been fucking sold for.

“Scar…” Kate is suddenly there, laying a hand on my bare forearm. She draws my attention until I’m looking up in her face. She’s giving me such a tender look. It breaks something inside of me to see her looking at me like that. “Please take the test. What can it hurt if it’s not even possible? It’ll help them rule it out in case they need to perform other tests.” I hate how encouraging she sounds.

Finally, I look back over at the nurse, and the beta woman offers me a reassuring smile. “I’ll do it, but I’m telling you itwill be a waste.” I deflate like a balloon, giving in far too easily. Maybe there’s a part of me that hopes I’ll be wrong? It’s fucking crazy to think about, but I can’t help it.

I’ve never been more crushed in my entire life than I was the day I found out I’ll never become a mom.

The nurse thankfully says nothing. Instead, she turns to the wall of cabinets behind her and opens one up to pull out some supplies. She performs the nose swab first before setting that aside on the counter. Then, she hands me a plastic cup and gestures towards the small bathroom attached to the room. “The Influenza test will take at least ten minutes. Go ahead and get a urine sample for me, and then I’ll run the pregnancy test. Just leave the cup on the counter there when you’re done.”

I don’t look at either of the women before I duck into the bathroom. I don’t think about what I’m doing as I pee in the damn cup and set it on the counter. I wash my hands as quickly as I can, and then I step back out into the room.

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