Page 168 of Are You Going to Love Me

“Exactly my point. Then she went and became a can, now she’s dumb, broke, and unemployed because I’m taking that entire blog. Fuck out of here.”

fifty-five

. . .

Nerves madeher entire body feel like lead. Anger from the day prior only morphed into angst and trepidation. It was never that Eden was afraid of facing her mother. It was the horror film of her life and Staysha’s. Growing up with a mother who could’ve been anything but decided to be a viper. Rolls of film of everything done wrong. Every moment her voice was stolen, or passivity was disciplined in her as obedience. How it took her all these years to find her voice – with strong encouragement. How she and Staysha used the rotten pieces of their past to make something sweet.

Staysha felt that weight, it mirrored hers. For years, Eden would always pull her back from falling over the edge into the abyss. Now, they both had someone who held them close and not just gave love but showed them what love was. She wrapped her hand around Eden’s and gently nudged her.

“My niece can feel all of that,” Staysha muttered in her ear. “You’re strong. Even after all the shit she did and said trying to break you, she didn’t. No one did. You go in there and look her in the face and you tell her how you feel and don’t feel bad for it.”

“What about you?” Eden questioned as she rubbed her tight belly. “And we don’t know the sex yet.”

“Well, I want you to have a girl, so I’m getting my wish in early. I’m good, though. I got my piece off. And furthermore, watching you teaches me. How to be strong, how to be graceful, how to be a lady, how to be what Poppi wanted us to be,” Staysha hummed. “Yeah, we had Poppi, but I had you. And you always had me. You taught me so much, E. You protected me. You loved me. I never needed her because I had you. So, this, today, is for you. It’s for you to tell that little girl who watched her mother leave her and her sister in cars to trick. Who left us at home with nothing to eat? Look at me.”

Eden rolled her lips against one another and swiped a tear and looked at Staysha.

“This is to heal you. So, you can be your whole self, not just for this baby, or that man, but for you. You tell her everything, you leave it there to serve its time with her. When you leave here, you can’t carry it out. Hear me?”

“Heard you,” Eden softly replied, as Staysha placed her forehead against hers.

“Now, boss up like you Poppi daughter.”

They shared a laugh, straightened up, and headed inside. Maximus, Keon, and Brody were across the street at a diner, chopping it up until Eden and Staysha were done. Inside the prison, the pair went through security checks and were seated in the corner of the visitation room. Anzel didn’t garner any special treatment.

Eden fidgeted with the piece of paper that came from the name badge she pressed to her to graphic t-shirt. Her sneaker-covered feet bounced, and Eden’s mind ran with the script she rehearsed all night. But in the back of her head was Maximus’ even tone. When he rolled over early in the morning to find her still awake, he wrapped her up in his warmth and kissed her face. “Speak from your heart.”

The buzzer sounded, indicating there was an inmate moving into the family room. The sound took Eden’s voice for a second, but Staysha nudged her.

“We ain’t doing that. Not today. She does not get that satisfaction,” Staysha coached.

Eden pushed the breath out and looked up. Anzel had a face full of Botox and cornrows. A pretty convict with an ugly soul. She straightened her posture and tapped into who she was, not the frightened little girl spiraling inside her.

Anzel bounced her tired eyes from each daughter, finally landing them on Eden.

“You’re pregnant,” Anzel shared, studying Eden. “That or you’re letting yourself go.”

There it went.

Eden scoffed to herself. “I’m going to cut to the chase. How much was it worth to have Aysha do all your bidding?”

“It was a marketing plan that worked. You two are a household name. The ‘IT’ couple. You think you did that without my help? You think you’d be anything but the brown skin girl with a pretty face if it weren’t for me? I told Mac'Roy to go to Midnight and pull your stubborn ass off the pole. You’re not going to come in here with that self-righteous attitude like you wouldn’t be you without me.”

Staysha squeezed Eden’s bouncing leg.

“Since we walking into places with some balls, there’s the truth, now fix your tone talking to me.”

“I won’t,” Eden sniped. “You will never get that shit from me. Staysha, maybe, but never me.”

“This is why you’re only going to get this far,” Anzel quipped back.

“Mm,” Staysha groaned. “That’s fucked up to say to your child that bust her ass to undo every curse you placed on us.”

“Oh, now I’m some witch, and you glorify a queenpin,” Anzel scoffed.

“I was always going to be me. Poppi made sure that shit was going to happen. So, what you sucked and fucked for some opportunities. Look how all that turned out. Look how you turned out. I thought I needed closure. I thought I needed to look at you and know with every fiber of my being that the bullshit you put us through was worth it.

“As I’m sitting here, I’m realizing I knew that all along, and I never needed it from you. All you gave was broken promises, problems, bad habits, self-doubt, and trauma. You blackmailing, whispering my name, and sucking and fucking whoever to get whatever isn’t ever something I’ll thank you for. It wasn’t a balmfor me or Stay. You didn’t save us, raise us, or teach us shit about being women.

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