Page 84 of Are You Going to Love Me

“Aight nigga, damn,” Brody happily responded before the call ended.

After reflecting and smoking, Maximus JoyCart’d enough food for them to have for weeks. If he had food, that special body oil and body wash, hopefully, he could keep her in his space longer. Long enough that his sleepless nights would vanish and the mornings wouldn’t seem so brutal.

By the time Eden pulled herself from the bed, he was in the kitchen making French toast with Jesipi the Don playing throughout the speakers.

“Ohh, look at little Fredrick,” he teased.

“You look just like me,” Eden laughed, touching her dehydrated coils. “I’ll make an appointment when you let me up for air.”

“Won’t be ‘til Thursday.”

“Oh, so gracious,” Eden teased, touching her chest. “What’s happening Friday, if you don’t mind me asking? Not trying to be all in your business.”

Maximus looked up from the pan. “What I call you last night, well into this morning? Where was my face?”

Eden flushed.

“Say it.”

“Honey Baby.”

“You my business. I’m yours. Aight?” His question was answered with a nod, and he continued. “Staysha and Keon booked a walk-through in the desert. Some exposure type shit. And my homie is getting out, so I got to handle that too.”

“A good homie?” Eden asked, brow raised.

“Aw, you care,” Maximus softly cooed his joke, placing his hand on his chest. “Solid. Him and Keon the only homies I got for real.”

Eden watched as Maximus went into himself for a moment, the slack smile he wore mere seconds ago, faded.

“Hey,” she hummed, rounding the counter to wrap her arms around his waist. “Where’d you go?”

He pulled in a deep breath before slowly releasing it. “Today is the first day I woke up without fighting all night to sleep and then being angry when morning came in so violently. Like it’s been taunting me.”

“Why does it feel like that?”

“I ain’t trying to bring down the mood.”

She kissed the center of his back. “Sanctuary. And I got a nickname now, so I think that qualifies me to hold whatever it is.”

Maximus finished up the French toast, adding the last slices to the plate with the others. “Come eat.”

Eden retracted herself from him and eased her sore body into the bar stool. Joining her, he reached for her hand. He blessed the food and then grunted. “Got me praying.”

“Balance,” Eden hummed, mimicking a chef’s kiss.

“Mornings are hard because it reminds that whatever fuck shit happened the day before was real. Mom’s put me out, reminder. Niggas trying to take me out, reminder. Shoot out, mission, street war, reminder. Brother snaked me out, reminder. Insult to injury he fucked my bitch and got her pregnant, reminder. Everything plays on a loop all night, and by the time I’m sleep, it’s time to get up. I lost years of my life, and I can’t sleep the whole day away. I’m a damn near thirty-three-year-old rapper trying to make it. Saying that shit out loud feels like I should’ve had another gift.”

“So, when Poppi was making Staysha and I go to church with her every week, I remember the pastor saying – if what was in you was so insignificant, the enemy wouldn’t be trying to attack it. If what’s on you is so heavy you’ll be attacked, you being ‘damn near thirty-three’ starting over isn’t anything other than another layer to your story. A story that someone needs to hear. And the way they’re going to hear it is in the music. So, like I said, keep putting it in your music.”

Eden’s hand was on the base of his neck, gently massaging the tension out. “How many times do I have to tell you you’re special before you believe it?”

“As many times as possible because you’re the only voice that matters,” he admitted. “I got to know something, how you strip for niggas and keep your light?”

“Remembering why I was doing it in the first place. Poppi was sick, Staysha got jammed up with an undercover detective, and I had to make something shake. Even if that meant shaking something to pay off a debt. I remembered slivers of who I was, who Poppi raised me to be. I never took anything off. I just danced. And Mama wouldn’t let anyone touch me. I wasn’t there long. But Midnight seemed safer than it was out here unprotected. People getting close to you to exploit your weaknesses and either make you their bitch or take you out. Wait...” Eden squinted. “It wasn’t just the oxygen drop off. You and Priya. Oh my God, I knew there was somewhere else I saw you. It was my first night at Midnight. I heard her talking to one of the girls about being pregnant.”

Maximus nodded with a scoff. “Imagine coming home off a six-month bid to a fucked-up apartment and a pregnancy test.”

“Can I sound selfish?”

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