The words stun me, stealing my breath and making the room spin around me. Injured. Operation. This morning. “What kind of operation?” I sound far more composed—and less angry—than I feel.
“He went after Vadim, but it was a trap. Vadim wasn’t there, but his people were waiting. Nikandr took a bullet to the side during the extraction.”
I sink onto the couch because my legs suddenly can’t support my weight. “How bad?”
“It was a through and through that missed vital organs. He’s getting stitched up at one of our medical facilities now and should be home in a few hours.”
The relief that washes over me is immediately followed by something much darker. “Why didn’t he tell me?”
Maksim is quiet for a long moment. “He asked me not to call you. He didn’t want you to worry about something you couldn’t control, but I figured you’d be wondering where he was.”
I close my eyes and try to process what this means. “I meant why didn’t he tell me about the plan to go after Vadim but thank you for telling me.”
He hesitates for a moment, and his tone gentles. “He loves you, Sabrina. Everything he did today was about protecting you and the baby.”
“Yes, everything but keeping a promise to me.” I end the call and set aside the phone with hands that shake slightly. For several minutes, I sit in perfect silence, processing what Maksim told me. Nikandr is alive. He’s injured but going to be okay. He went after Vadim without telling me, despite promising a week ago there would be no more secrets between us.
The numbness gives way to something much worse. A burning sense of betrayal starts in my chest and spreads through my entire body like poison.
He lied to me.
After everything we have shared, after all the promises and plans and declarations of love, he looked me in the eye and lied. Not directly, maybe, but through omission. He went after Vadim and chose not to tell me after swearing to me he’d let me know beforehe went to that final confrontation with Vadim, the one that was supposed to set us free and start our new future. Instead, it’s the demise of every fledgling dream.
I push myself up from the couch and begin pacing again, this time with purpose rather than aimless anxiety. Each step helps clarify the rage building inside me, sharpening it into something I can use.
The betrayal cuts deeper than any physical wound could. It’s not just that he lied. He obviously never intended to keep his promise in the first place. All those conversations about stepping away from the organization, about building a peaceful life together, and choosing our family over everything else… How much of it was real, and how much was just telling me what I wanted to hear?
I stop pacing and wrap my arms around my belly, trying to provide comfort to the daughter who has been kicking restlessly for the past hour. She can probably sense my emotional turmoil, and the thought makes me feel guilty on top of everything else.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Mommy’s just figuring out some things.”
By the time I hear the front door open a little after four, I’ve been rehearsing this conversation for over two hours. I know exactly what I am going to say and how I am going to handle his explanations and excuses. I’m ready.
What I am not prepared for is the sight of him limping through the foyer. His face is pale with exhaustion, and his left side is carefully protected by the way he holds his arm. There’s dried blood on his shirt collar, and the careful way he moves tells me he’s in more pain than he wants to admit.
For a split second, every argument I’ve prepared dissolves into relief that he’s alive and home. Then I remember why he is injured in the first place, and the anger comes flooding back twice as strong. I cross my arms and study his face. “ How was your…businessmeeting?” I ask with heavy irony.
He stops in the doorway, and his expression shifts as he realizes I know exactly what happened. “Sabrina?—”
I hold up a hand to stop whatever explanation he plans to offer. “Don’t lie to me again. I already know about Vadim, the trap, and you getting shot. Maksim called me.”
His jaw tightens with what might be frustration or anger. “I told him not to?—”
I snap the words, “I’m glad he did. Otherwise, I would have spent the entire day wondering if you were dead in a ditch somewhere.” I glare at him. “He was a better partner to me than you were today, which means you should be ashamed of the choices you’ve made.”
He takes a careful step forward, wincing slightly. “I was going to tell you when I got home.”
“After the fact.” I throw up my hands in disgust. “After you’d already risked everything without giving me a chance to—” I stop myself before saying something I can’t take back. “You promised me no more secrets.”
“This wasn’t about keeping secrets. It was about protecting you from?—”
I feel my voice rise with each word. “From what? From knowing the man I love is still choosing violence over safety? Fromunderstanding all those promises about stepping away from this life were complete bullshit?”
The accusation hangs between us. I watch his face cycle through several emotions, including guilt, frustration, and something that might be the shame he should be feeling.
He shifts his weight carefully. “I told you I had to deal with Vadim before we could be truly free.”
“You also promised you’d tell me when you were planning to go after him. You gave me your word we wouldn’t have any more secrets between us.”