Page 78 of In This Together

‘Well, I’m not just material and dumb. I do want things from my life. I manage investments. That’s actually where my money is from, not from Daddy, like people assume. And when I have my own label, I’m going to prove to people that I am someone to be taken seriously. I’ll prove people wrong. I’m also looking for a baby daddy right now.’

‘A baby daddy?’

‘Yes. I’ve signed up to a programme to be matched with a suitable baby daddy. I figure, why keep putting my life on hold waiting for the right man to come along when I can make the life I want myself?’

‘Wow, so, you’re going to start a new business and be pregnant at the same time?’

‘Yes. What’s wrong with that? I’m capable of it. See, you’re just like everyone else, you don’t think I can do it but I can.’

‘Hey, I never said you couldn’t do it. My point is, creating a new life or starting to run a new business are both all-consuming things in their own right. Why do you need to do both now?’

It was Rosalie’s turn to pick at the label of her bottle and sigh. ‘Promise you won’t think I’m pathetic?’

‘Pinky swear.’

She shrugged. ‘I want to prove I can be responsible. Both things do that. But I want a baby because… I want to come home to someone. I want someone to spend my time with. I want to love something, wholly, and for them to love me back, unconditionally. Like, no questions asked. If I’m having a bad day, they’ll love me anyway. They won’t judge me or think I’m ridiculous. I won’t have to buy things to keep up with them or to make them want to be around me.’ Without realising, tears had trickled from Rosalie’s eyes, wetting her cheeks.

Seth stood from his seat and moved to sit next to her, taking an arm around her shoulder. It was a move Rosalie was unfamiliar with. It was completely unexpected. Yet it was so welcome that she leaned into it, dropping her head to Seth’s shoulder.

‘You think I’m pathetic, don’t you? I have so many things in my life. Anything I want, but I’m lonely and unhappy. Itispathetic.’

Seth held her chin between his forefinger and thumb and gently teased her head up until Rosalie was looking at him. ‘I do not think you’re pathetic, Ros. And actually, I think I’ve been unfair on you. I’m sorry for that. For comparing you to people I’ve known. Like you say, I don’t know you well enough to do that. But I do think that maybe you’re not sure what you want. Can I say that?’

She sniffed, looking down to her lap. ‘I’m not sure you can, actually,’ she protested weakly, without moving from Seth’s embrace.

‘Look, I think you’re kind. Your heart is always in the right place. But do you actually want to run a record label, or is it about your dad proving that he trusts you enough to give you a label? Do you really want to be a single mom, or do you want real loving relationships in your life? I think when you can answer those questions, you’ll know what to work at. But in my experience,thingsdon’t make people happy, Ros. Knowing who you are and what you want is the only way to make yourself truly happy.’

‘That’s rich coming from someone who is striving for superstardom,’ she argued, sitting up and moving out of Seth’s hold.

Seth shook his head. ‘Honestly, I’d be happy having enough money to get by, my family around me, a guitar on my lap, a pencil and notebook in my hand, and the air in my lungs. You laugh at my jeans and checked shirts. I like wearing jeans and checked shirts. I don’t need expensive leather jackets and designer sunglasses. I’ve been approached by a giant music label already and I turned them down because Sofia was the first person to believe in me one night in a dive bar. She was the first person to take a chance on me and I want to be a success for her.’

Rosalie considered his words and surprised herself when she said, ‘I wish I could be more like you, Seth.’

He met her gaze then and told her, ‘Stop trying to be like anyone, Rosalie. Be who you want to be.’

Did she? Did she try to be like other people? Was being like Andrea the reason she wanted a recording label? Was being like Hannah the reason she wanted to have a baby? Was being like Clarissa, Kaitlin, Madeleine, even her own mother, the reason she surrounded herself with material things?

What did she want? Who did she want to be?

‘I think I’m going to go to bed,’ she said, suddenly overwhelmed and exhausted.

‘Are you okay?’ Seth asked.

She tried to smile but it didn’t come. ‘I will be.’

Seth nodded. ‘Let me walk you up.’

As she followed Seth upstairs again, she felt a strange mix of annoyance and affection for him. He had no right to tell her that she didn’t know who she was. Yet he cared enough to say it.

He pushed open her bedroom door and flicked on the light, then turned to her on the threshold and stroked her wild hair back behind her ear. ‘I think you’re a good person, Rosalie. Maybe I should have stopped at that downstairs.’

‘Maybe,’ she said, smiling at him before reaching up on her tiptoes and pressing her lips gently to his cheek. ‘Or maybe you told me what I needed to hear.’

She watched his chest inflate as he inhaled deeply, his palm pressed to her cheek. Right now, she was grateful for his warm tender touch.

‘Thank you for letting me tag along this weekend,’ she said.

‘Sweet dreams, Ros.’

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