Page 85 of In This Together

Even as she went about the necessary to complete the test, Andrea knew, in her heart, that there was no doubt.

So when she was faced with Maria telling her a matter of minutes later, ‘You’re officially pregnant,’ Andrea could only stare at her, expressionless.

‘This is the point when a lot of people jump for joy or recoil in shock,’ Maria said, scrutinising Andrea’s face, as if looking for dysfunction – emotional ineptness, inhumanity.

‘When?’ she eventually managed.

Maria nodded, as if accepting that Andrea was not one of those people who could sit in a chair and bare her feelings until she was cured of heartlessness.

‘You said the first day of your last monthly was April tenth.’

‘About that.’ Andrea shook her head. ‘I don’t know. I can’t… I can’t think. I can’t remember. Sometimes it’s three and a half weeks, sometimes five. When I’m especially stressed I miss.’ She gave a sombre short laugh. ‘I’m stressed a lot of the time.’

Maria reached out and pressed a hand to Andrea’s knee. ‘Look at me. We’re going to work this out. Take a deep breath for me.’

Was she losing it? Oh, God, she was losing it.She took a deep breath and nodded quickly. ‘I’m good now.’

Maria smiled. ‘Try to think of something around the time of your period. Maybe an event, a meeting, a dinner, where you were irritated you had your period or it was awkward having to slip off to the ladies’ room. That often helps.’

Of course, there was something that came to mind.Hunter.She had been nearing the end of her monthly the night she got promoted. She’d worried when he took her in her office that she might leave a mark. Her vision tunnelled and came back to light, then she darted for the biological waste bin and threw up. It wasn’t morning sickness. She threw up again and again at the thought that the spawn growing inside her was Hunter’s child.

When she stopped, Maria handed her a tissue and they started to work through dates. The doctor estimated that Andrea was due in January. The precise date hardly registered because what really concerned Andrea was the date of conception.

‘Well, generally, we would say fourteen days from the first day of your last period is the most fertile point of a woman’s cycle. In your case, because your periods aren’t regular, it is more difficult to pinpoint the date. Sperm can live inside a woman for five days and there would be scope for a couple of days either side for ovulation. It’s safe to guess at the end of April, though.’

End of April.She thought about the last time she had slept with Hunter, right after the Presley John commemoration concert. And the first time she slept with Tommy a matter of days later and they got… carried away.

‘Is there a date that’s more… likely?’

Maria sat straight in her chair, the proverbial lightbulb above her head turning on. ‘I see.’

‘I’m not – I don’t just sleep around.’ Didn’t she?‘There just happened to be one person who I was… in a relationship with.’ As far as an affair could be called a relationship.‘Then the guy that I’m… who Iwasseeing.’

‘Are you single now?’

For the first time, she truly missed Tommy as she said, ‘Yes.’

‘Would it have an impact on your pregnancy if you knew who the father is?’

Andrea knew the question was a polite way of asking if she would terminate the baby. Would she?

If the baby was Hunter’s, would she want it? She felt her eyes begin to fill and her throat tighten. No. She didn’t want Hunter’s child. How could she want his child? He had thrown his credit card at her and told her to terminate the pregnancy. He was married. He wasRosalie’sfather.

Christ, the child would be Rosalie’s brother or sister.Hell, she felt sick again.

What if the baby were Tommy’s? A mini rock star. An empathetic, talented child. It would love music and he or she would play guitar and sing like Daddy. They would play records likeGrace,her mother’s first charted album, and sing the baby to sleep.

But then Tommy would go on tour. What was she supposed to do? Give up work and travel the world with Tommy, a baby and Tommy’s groupies and band? Or stay home, a single mother struggling to hold down a job and bring up a child? Never seeing it because she worked long hours, or abandoning her career to be a good mother.

What kind of mother would she really be? She wasn’t a good person.

She looked down to her non-existent bump.You could be my little boy or girl,she thought.Mine and Tommy’s. Her heart swelled and she brought her hand to her tummy. Did it know she was its mother yet?

God, what if it did? What if it could hear her thoughts?

‘Andrea, can I make a suggestion?’ Maria asked. ‘I suggest you go away and decide whether you want to have a baby. For you. Only you. Forget the father for now. Believe me when I say, lots of women not as strong or as stable as you manage this without Daddy being around.’

‘They do?’

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