Page 98 of In This Together

‘Anyway, my point is, you made me ask myself some very important questions. When I looked behind the superficial reasons for having a baby, I understood that what I wanted was the kind of unconditional love that a child can give. I want someone to give all my excess time and love to. Something more than I have in my life now. But I wondered… I’m wondering, if I couldn’t be loved that way by… a man, first. Not a man who ticks everything on the checklist of what is supposed to be Prince Charming but a man whose company I enjoy and whom I respect.

‘When I think about running a record label, I know I don’t have the instinct for it, like Sofia and Andrea, and even Daddy has. I guess I just wanted to be taken seriously. I wanted Daddy to take me seriously. Now, I can’t take him seriously.’

She sighed. ‘I think it’s going to take me a while to work out what I’m really passionate about. What makes me happy, in here.’ She held her fingers to her chest. ‘Not fleeting happiness that I get from purses and shoes. Not the smugness I feel when Daddy won’t give me what I want so I run up a nasty credit card bill for him.’

‘Your dad pays your credit cards for you?’

Rosalie smiled. ‘I thought you weren’t the judging type?’

Seth smiled behind his coffee cup.

‘Well, actually, I have my own money but I hold on to one of Daddy’s cards for when I’m cross.’ Then she laughed. ‘Perhaps I should go max it out now.’

‘But seriously, all of this…’ Seth gestured around the apartment. ‘This is all yours?’

Rosalie nodded. ‘I have investments that I manage. My hobby, really. And I decorated the place myself. I love interior design. I’m actually trained. I’ve done some wonderful projects.’ She stood from her seat and went in search of her portfolio, handing it to Seth as she retook her seat. ‘I keep pictures of the homes I’ve decorated. I only do it for friends, just a bit of fun, but I love it. I love how happy it makes people, you know? Like buying gifts for people. I know you think, and maybe others think, that I try to buy, I don’t know, loyalty or something, but honestly, I just love to see reactions, how people smile from a little act of kindness.’

Seth flicked through the pictures in Rosalie’s leatherbound book, then looked up to her. ‘Rosalie, these pictures, this place, this is what you should do. If you love it and you want a business, this is it. These places are like something out of a magazine.’

‘Oh, well, two of the homes have actually been featured onCribs.’ She beamed with pride. ‘Do you really think they’re pretty?’

‘Pretty? Rosalie, they’re incredible. You have an amazing talent.’

‘I do?’

He shook his head, smiling. ‘Yes, Ros, you do. You should be really proud of these places.’

Feeling her cheeks flush, swallowing irrational emotion that rose in her throat, Rosalie fiddled with the cafetière on the coffee table in front of her.

‘Seth?’ She couldn’t bring herself to look up to him. ‘I hope you don’t think that I’m like your ex-fiancée. I would never?—’

‘Ros, if I did, I don’t any more.’

‘Then… do you think… once I’ve worked out a few things about myself… maybe… would you consider dating me? Because I’d really like to find out everything there is to know about you.’

She dared to look him in the eye and found his face completely expressionless. She felt uncomfortable and wanted to fill their silence with words. But she had done enough talking. It was time to stop forcing people to be who she wanted them to be. So she waited, until eventually, Seth’s lips broke into his signature smile and he said, ‘I’d like to get to know you too, Rosalie.’

Her lips curved at one side, then the other, then her smile became so big it turned to a giggle. ‘Well, that’s good then.’

Standing, she took their empty cups on her tray to the kitchen and in the privacy of the space, she held her fingertips to her lips as she smiled, feeling a jolt of promise charging through her body. She wouldn’t get her hopes up and she wouldn’t try to make Seth fit a mould. She would simply see where things went from there, on their natural course. Scruffy boots, lumberjack shirts, cheating parents, absent parents and all.

Later that night, Rosalie lit her favourite orange-peel-scented candles, set the soundtrack toPretty Womanplaying on her record player, and she cleansed her home and her life. Every pair of shoes she had in duplicate, every item of clothing she wore for other people because, frankly, no one would ever feel comfortable in it, every purse she bought purely because it was the best of the then current season, she bagged up for charity. And when she had four sacks, filled and ready to be deposited for a good cause waiting by her front door, she turned to her plastics. The first card to fall victim to the scissors was the one her dad still paid for.

From now on, whatever Rosalie did would be because it enriched her life truly, not superficially, or because it was kind to others. No more illusions of who she thought people were. No more trying to be something she wasn’t. No more leading a life to be more like others.

25

HANNAH

Sofia handed a glass of wine to Hannah and took a seat in the opposite corner of her sofa, both of them tucking their feet up to the cushions. Smooth jazz played into the room from Sofia’s record collection – Hannah’s choice.

‘So, do you want to get it all off your chest?’ Hannah braved to ask.

‘How long have you got?’ Sofia asked, laughing shortly.

‘I’m here and I’m all yours for as long as you want me, Sofia.’ Hannah was always Andrea’s best friend first and a friend-cum-big sister to Sofia second. But part of Hannah felt like helping Sofia was, in a way, making up for not being able to help Andrea right now. If nothing else, she knew they were both hurting, and a little woman-to-woman solidarity never hurt anyone.

Sofia sighed. ‘When Jay first turned up at the studio, I was just pleased he looked well. I’d wanted to see him in the clinic and though he had refused to speak to me or see me, I understood he needed time and space to get better. Yet being close to him then, all I could think of was how he’d slept with at least one other woman behind my back.’

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