Page 76 of Second Round

“I texted Noelle, and everything’s fine. Relax and stop worrying about me. I’m exactly where I want to be.” Then he kissed me on the cheek, and Ismiled.

“You feel better now,”Leosaid.

“I do. Nothing like agoodcry.”

“Yeah. Jackie, I want you to listen tome,okay?”

Inodded.

“You’re an amazing woman. You’re beautiful, funny, talented, and smart. I don’t understand what happened before, and it doesn’t really matter. But I want you to stop puttingyourselfdown.”

“I don’t,” Iprotested.

“You make it into a joke, but you do. I don’t know your ex, but it’s pretty clear that he didn’t support you enough.” He paused. “When I walked into the room here in Vancouver, the guys were so beaten down. They took so much abuse. My job is to build them up. Confidence makes you play better, while insecurity bringsyoudown.”

“That’s just hockey,” Iscoffed.

“Hockey is like life,” Leo replied. His voice was full of conviction. “It’s a microcosm of everything in life—goals, challenges, setbacks—all performed in front of an audience in a compressed timeframe.”

I turned around so I wasfacinghim.

“Is that what I am to you? A project you need to build up? Is that why you’re beingsonice?”

Leo scowled down at me. “How can you even ask that? Do you think all it takes is a few compliments and everyone’sfixed?”

“I guess not.” I was being a brat, but I couldn’t help it. I was stillsodown.

“People aren’t stupid. I can’t bullshit the players and give them participation medals. The only way to build confidence is to tell them the truth—what they did right on the ice. And how they can do more things right. Nobody gets better unless they believe inthemselves.”

Although he sounded more like a coaching seminar, Leo’s conviction was comforting. Did I just need to believe in myself more? I tucked my head into the crook of his neck andkissedhim.

Leo continued, “If you could see what I see, what everyone sees. You’re special, Jackie. And your kids are great; you’ve been a great mom right through your divorce. And the knack you have for making a home where everyone feels comfortable... it’s huge. What would have happened with Charlotte if youweren’there?”

“I guess,” I murmured. “It’s not a big deal.” Women everywhere were being good mothers and makinghomes.

“I’m not an expert on divorce, but in my own life, it wasn’t about personality or fault. It was because I wanted a career and a lifestyle that Sophie didn’t want. So can’t you accept that Brent leaving may have had nothing to do with you, and everythingwithhim?”

I inhaled the earthy scent of Leo. “But that would mean I don’t have any control over my life. That nothing I do changesthings.”

“There are big things that we cannot change. No use to push against the ocean.” He cradled me tightly. “To let those things beat you down and make you feel less, that iswrong.”

I trembled. I could feel tears filling my eyes but not falling. Leo was so strong. It felt good to be able to relax in his arms and listen to hisideas.

When we first met, Leo had been so honest about how much he could offer me. But the longer we went out and the more our lives became enmeshed, the more I felt for him. With all the differences between us, I never felt like we would get to this exact moment: where his kindness touched my heart. We were more than a casual relationship. Because once we brought our kids into the mix, we had opened ourselves up to real trust andcaring.

Iopened one eye.Coffee, must have coffeewas the only thought running through my brain. I was sleeping on the wrong side of the bed and realized why. Leo had tucked me into bed last night. He had been so sweet and tender. Just as he’d offered, all he’d done was hold me and make me feel better. And he’d waited until I fell asleep before going home toCharlotte.

And that was what relationships should be like. Someone who made you feel better about yourself, and not worse. Right now, there was a ton of energy running through my body. I got up and hopped into the shower. I belted out a little Salt-N-Peppa as I loofahed myself. As the foaming bubbles cascaded down my body, Ifeltgood.

In the morning light, I could hardly remember why I had been so upset last night. Thank God I hadn’t let it spoil the party. Sure, Brent was a huge dummy, but it wasn’t directed at me. He was so self-absorbed that he didn’t realize that hearing about his engagement might be painful. In fact, almost everything that Brent did that hurt me wasn’t intentional, but he would continue to do these things if I didn’tstophim.

First off, I called Carole, my real estate agent. “Carole, I know I’ve been pretty indecisive, and I apologize for that. I’ve decided that I’m going to move on the rental in East Van. But the good news is that I’m also looking to buy a fixer-upper in East Van. Sharon and I want something we can renovate to sell. So, if something like that crosses your desk, letusknow.”

Then I made all the arrangements for the rental house. Tomorrow, I’d book the moving company. Done.Decided.Yes!

I went downstairs and looked at the six paintings I had completed already. I needed two more before the show in October, but I’d have a little time once we were moved into our new place. Even in the dim light, they shone to me. The paintings were full of colour, energy, and something more—emotion. Everything that I had been feeling in the past few months, all the tension, the joy, and the regret that I’d been feeling was all laid out on the canvas. My artistic breakthrough had come from one sunny day when I allowed myself to feel something real. When I stopped trying to be the perfect wife and mother and instead becamemessyme.

The afternoon was filled with sorting and packing. By the time Brent brought the kids home, I was ready for him. I waited until Tristan and Hannah were in theirrooms.

---