Page 83 of Second Round

He rubbed his forehead. “When I took this job, I knew it was the perfect fit for what I wanted to do. But what I didn’t realize was how tough it would be not to see Charlotte. And if Sophie moves to the States, it’s gonna be that muchharder.”

I felt so sorry for Leo. His face looked solemn. I used to think he was unreadable, but now I knew the subtle signs of hisemotion.

“Isn’t there any way to see her more? What if they movedcloser?”

Leo frowned as he considered this. “I guess. Seattle would be better than Montréal. Depends what Sophiewants.”

“Brent and I have a clause in our divorce agreement that neither of us can move without a mediated consultation.” Not that we had plans to move, both of us were from here, and Brent’s career was in Vancouver. Just another clause my very efficient divorce lawyer had inserted. It was also my opinion that everyone catered to Sophie’s whims too much, but I kept that tomyself.

“Do kids change less as they get older?” he asked. There was a plaintive tone in his voice, but I couldn’t give him the answer hewanted.

“Honestly? No. They change even more. Not only puberty, but they begin to try on new thoughts and ideas. You want to be there for that because they need guidance and rules. Sometimes kids want to rebel, but they like having a safetynettoo.”

“I saw the former coach with his grown daughters at the hospital, you know, after his heart attack. I saw a sense of duty, but not love. It was painful to witness.” He spoke flatly, but I could sense the sadnessandfear.

I put my arms around his neck and squeezed him in a hug. “Oh, Leo. That could never happen to you. I see how much Charlotte adores you, that’s never ever going tochange.”

“J’espère,” he muttered in French, holding me tightly. “She is everythingtome.”

He was a wonderful dad. “Listening to the two of you tonight, it was like witnessing something beautiful. This sweet side of you is....” Again, I felt the tears rising up in me. Leo appeared tough and unemotional, but I knew what he was really like. I closed my eyes and kissed blindly at histhroat.

“I loveyou,Leo.”

The tension in his body was immediate. It was like his limbs were replaced with steel. He loosened his grip on me, and I heard abriefsigh.

His voice was soft. “Thank you,Jacqueline.”

Thank you? That wasn’t the response I’d been hoping for. I pulled away and stared at him. “Isthatit?”

His eyes narrowed. “I’m sorry. This is not the right time for this discussion. I’ve got a lot going on with Charlotte and Sophietomorrow.”

“Discussion? It’s not a discussion. I told you how I felt, and you said, ‘Thank you.’ I’d actually call thatinsulting.”

Leo shook his head. “You’re being tooemotional.”

“No, you’re not being emotional enough. I know it’s there inside you. Why don’t you open up to me the way you do withCharlotte?”

“I told you from the beginning, I can’t give you a real relationship and you said that was fine.” He sounded like he was quoting from an insurancepolicy.

“But that was months ago. We’ve been through so much since then. That night when I found out about Brent and Margaret, all our times with the kids, Saturna. The things you’ve said to me, I’ve treasured them....” I couldn’t stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks. “How can you besocold?”

He reached for me, but I slapped hishandsaway.

“I’m sorry, Jackie. I do care about you, very much. But my priorities are Charlotte and my work. You think I’m busy now, wait until the season really gets underway. I can’t handleanymore.”

“That’s crap. Is every hockey coach in the world some kind of monk? No! It is possible to work and have a relationship at the same time.” But every word I spoke closed Leo off more. Maybe he’d heard all these arguments before. I’d become one of the many women in his life who let him down by not practicing his Mr. Spock-brand of emotion-freecoupling.

“I don’t want to go through another separation,” he murmured. He had stopped trying to touch me and was sitting slumped against the couch. His voice sounded more resigned thananythingelse.

“It doesn’t have to end badly,” I said. But I sounded exactly like Tristan on the day the divorce was finalized.“It’s dumb, Mom, but I thought you and Dad would get back together.”That one sentence shattered me. Because Tristan and I were these stupid optimists who hoped for a happy ending while everything around us pointed to theopposite.

But I was different now. I was stronger. I was more confident. And I was older. I couldn’t wait around in a relationship hoping that I could convince someone to love me. With crystal clarity, I saw that what I loved about him made it impossible to change him. He was a rock. He would be there for Charlotte, his family, even Sophie—always. But he gave love on his own terms. And that love wasn’tforme.

“Thank you,” I saidsoftly.

His head jerked up insurprise.

“I’ve learned so much from you. About how to be moreselfish.”

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