Page 101 of Snowballed

“I guess we could try to convert Katman into a house cat,” I say. After seeing Katman cozy up to Noah, this will be easy. Even this reminder of Noah still hurts.

My mother doesn’t look completely delighted at the idea of Katman as a pet, but since we’re going from seventeen animals to one, she graciously agrees.

We’ve had guests for dinner all week, as neither of us can bear to see people working hard for us with no reward. These dinners have been so much fun. My mother enjoys the company, and I like showing off all the good food our farm produces. The only person we haven’t seen is Noah. Even though he arranged everything, he’s not on the schedule. Maybe telling him the truth turned him off completely or perhaps he prefers to avoid me. After all, nobody likes to hang out with an ex.

On the last night of farm vacation, our dinner guests are Helen and Bobby. Miraculously, I’m starting to like Helen. Still I can’t help laughing when Bobby describes how one of the chickens chased Helen all around the coop.

“I didn’t know if it was dangerous or not. What if it had rabies?” Helen says.

Bobby squints at her like she’s missing a brain. “Chickens don’t get rabies.”

She waves him off. “How would I know that?”

“More pie?” My mom offers to defuse the conversation.

After dinner, I pull on my coat and walk Helen and Bobby to their vehicles.

“Thanks so much for coming and helping,” I tell Helen as I pull her in for our first-ever hug.

She shrugs. “You’re welcome. It’s tough to say no to Noah Goodwin. Well, for everyone but you.”

Ouch. Helen and I are never going to be best friends, but I still appreciate her volunteering.

Bobby and I watch Helen drive off.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask.

He nods. “Wanna get in the truck?”

It’s pretty cold out, so we hop in, and he turns on the engine.

“This feels pretty familiar,” I say. Not having privacy is one of the hallmarks of my dating life, and Bobby and I spent a lot of time in his truck.

Bobby shifts in his seat. “Uh, maybe I should have told you this before, but I’ve been seeing Marisol Grant. Remember her from high school?”

“Sure. She’s really nice.” Then I realize he thinks I might be coming on to him. “That’s great. When did you guys start going out?”

He drums his fingers on the steering wheel. “Well, I guess it was about the time I heard you had a new boyfriend.”

Oh. Bobby never dated much after me; he must have thought we’d get back together. So, that’s one good result from my relationship with Noah.

“Look, I just wanted to apologize,” I say.

“For what?” he asks.

I debate whether to tell him about therapy, but I think Bobby’s attitude would be as cynical as mine used to be. “I’ve held onto a lot of anger about my dad dying—even though it’s not his fault obviously. As a result, I’ve messed up a lot of my relationships. So, when we broke up—”

“When you broke up with me,” Bobby clarifies.

“Yes. I want to apologize for that. I said that you weren’t being there for me, when no guy alive could have lived up to my expectations.”

Bobby looks out the windshield. “I felt really bad for you back then, but I didn’t know what to do. And you kept pushing me away.”

“I know. It was about me, not you.” I sound so cliché, but it’s true.

“No. It’s never all on one person. Is this like some rehab thing where you want me to forgive you? Because I did that a long time ago.”

“It’s more like I had these revelations, and I want to share them with everyone. But I’m finding out that all of you knew this stuff way before me.” I laugh.

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