Page 40 of Snowballed

“But you haven’t heard my best idea yet,” says Helen. “This year, we’re going to have a bachelor auction!”

My stomach drops. I know exactly where this is going, and there’s not a snowball’s chance that I am asking Noah to strut his stuff as most eligible bachelor.

“That’s a dumb idea,” I say.

“It’s an awesome idea,” Helen says. “We’ll get guys from the men’s hockey team. Everyone on campus wants to date them.”

Our goalie, Faith Devereaux, shakes her head. “Some of those guys have girlfriends who aren’t going to like that idea.” Dev dates Seb Hunter from the men’s team.

“We’ll just ask the single guys then,” Helen says.

“Get real, Helen,” I say. “We’re all poor students. It’s not like a movie where some rich woman pays a zillion dollars for a date. How embarrassing will it be for some poor guy to go for twenty bucks?”

Helen is seeing her chance to bid on Noah go down the drain. “Okay, you have a point. We’ll do it by draw. Everyone buys tickets and deposits them in the box for the prize they want.” She beams at her own brilliance.

“Now, I’ll assign jobs to everyone,” Helen declares. I can’t help but admire her directness. My fundraising method is pleading for volunteers and then doing most of the work myself. She tells some people to hit up local merchants and services, campus businesses, and online retailers. She’s already prepared marketing packages.

“God, she’s really good at this,” I admit to Rocky, but not loud enough for Helen to hear.

Finally, she gets around to the bachelor auction. “Dev and Zee, you’ve got connections to the men’s team. Lean on them and get me some tasty bachelors.” She shakes a finger at me. “Make sure that Noah Goodwin does it. He means mucho bucks for us.”

Imagining Noah on an auction block makes me feel queasy. Which is ridiculous because if anyone can defend himself against unwanted advances, it’s Noah. Exhibit One is still waggling a finger at me.

“I don’t see how I can make Noah do anything he doesn’t want to,” I protest. “But I can deliver my brother.”

Derek is easy, because I can bribe him with food. Besides, it’s exactly the kind of thing he would love—being up front and desirable.

Helen scowls. “No offense, but until your brother makes the Burling-ten-ten, he’s not going to be a big draw like Goody.”

“The Burling-what now?” I ask.

“Oh. My. God. How can you be a senior and not know this? You need to spend less time milking cows.” Helen moves on to give instructions to Dev.

“Enlighten me, please,” I say to Rocky.

“The Burling-ten-ten is a secret list of ten guys on campus who are a perfect ten. It’s a big deal. They do it every October. There’s a list for girls too.” She pulls out her phone and goes to a surprisingly professional page with photos, descriptions, and ads.

“Even ads?” I ask. How secret can it be if they’re selling advertising?

“Everyone on campus checks it out.”

Could my mother be right? Am I missing out on the whole university experience in some vital way? I shake off that thought and look at Noah’s profile. There are candid photos, and as someone who sees him daily, they do not do him justice.

Exotic cutie Noah Goodwin hails from L.A. This hot as puck stud plays defense for the Moo U hockey team. Teammates call him Goody and he has all the goods. We’d love to sample his California roll.

“Exotic cutie? California roll? He’s not going to like that,” I say, remembering his remark about othering. I look down the list and see there’s another hockey player, a blond freshman from Minnesota called Matthew Rose. He looks about 16 years old in the face and 25 years old in the body. I guess that’s better than the reverse.

“How do they choose these?” I ask.

Rocky shrugs. “That’s a secret too. But they have rules. You can only be on the list once. That’s why it’s mostly freshmen or transfers.”

“I don’t know why Helen thinks I can deliver Noah. It’s pretty clear that we can’t stand each other,” I say.

Rocky laughs. “You’re so funny, Zee.”

The road trip has its ups and downs. I’m a healthy scratch for the first game of the season, so that’s a huge downer. But I get to play the second game, and I play reasonably well. And we defeat New Hampshire in both games, which is definitely an up since they’re our perennial rivals. I wonder if I’m going to play every other game all season.

I huddle with Dev on the trip home about approaching the men’s team. “Do you think we’ll actually get any players to agree to do this?”

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