Page 46 of Hockey 101

Andy puts her hand on my chest. Why are you so upset? Besides, if you march out there now, it cancels out everything we’ve done not to be noticed.

Right, like the fact she had to mercy-kiss me to stop me from squealing like a little baby, which I mistook for something real.

I brush by her and open the door. The hallway is dark and silent. Am I disappointed that there’s nobody here? No, I’m relieved that I don’t have to face Coach Greene. And I’m even more relieved to get out of that stupid, cramped closet. I’ll be smelling bleach in my nightmares.

Let’s go. I return to grab our skates, then rush out the back door.

Why are you walking so fast? Andy huffs as she tries to catch up with me.

I slow down, but don’t reply. It seems rude to point out that both of us would rather be done with this evening.

She continues, I don’t understand why you’re so upset. Is it because I didn’t let you feel me up in a broom closet? Because that’s pretty stupid.

I stop and turn to face her. Even under the dim streetlight, Andy’s lovely face glows. But her beauty only underlines what I can’t have, and I can’t keep the frustration out of my voice. You know what’s stupid? Trying to impress you and fucking things up.

Andy’s forehead creases. Why? Because you felt claustrophobic? Everyone has some kind of phobia. How do you think I knew the steps to go through to calm you down? I get anxiety attacks, and so do many of my friends.

And do you kiss them too? I didn’t know that making out was a medical intervention.

Her gaze drops. I meant the breathing part. The kissing part was a first. Then she smirks. But it worked.

Great. Save it for the next lucky guy who royally fucks up in front of you, I grit out, then turn to start walking again.

She puts her hand on my arm. Jack, stop. Seriously, do you think I’d kiss just anyone?

I know you did it to save my sorry ass. Once again.

For the record, I don’t find vulnerability in a man unattractive, she says.

Is she for real? All the highs and lows of tonight swirl in my guts. I’m going to shoot my last shot, and maybe it will help me to get over this dumb crush when she rejects me again. Then we can be friends, like she wants.

I turn and face her. As usual, she looks lovely, and even a little vulnerable without her glasses. I look at her flushed mouth and want to kiss her again, over and over. Then I focus.

Really? Then let’s get down to it. Andy, I want to go out with you. Obviously I’m attracted to you—what just happened proves that beyond a doubt. I exhale, my breath visible in the cold air. I heard all your reasons for not wanting to go out with me. But a lot of what you assumed is just not true.

She watches me, wide-eyed and unsmiling.

First, yes, I’m a freshman, but I’m twenty years old, just a year younger than you. I played junior hockey up until now, and college teams like older players because we’re stronger and more skilled.

Andy nods. I memorized the roster, so I knew that already.

Okay, good. Well, the second thing is about the night we met. You called me a player, and maybe it seemed that way to you, like I’m some womanizer, but that’s not true. I’ve only had sex with one woman in my entire life. Cori, my ex-girlfriend. We were together since we were fifteen.

Really? Her expression remains skeptical. What about Jenny?

It takes a moment to even remember who Jenny is. Then it comes crashing back. We hadn’t, uh, you know, before her boyfriend arrived.

She considers this. Oh. I guess that makes sense.

Yeah, because I’m the opposite of some smooth-talking Romeo, right?

Andy shakes her head. No, you actually have a lot of charisma. But you seem completely unaware of it.

I’m not sure that’s true, but if she thinks so, great. And your third excuse was that you don’t like jocks or sports? Is that still true?

Andy’s lips pinch like she doesn’t want to admit anything. Yet, there’s something about the way she’s looking at me that gives me a glimmer of hope.

Everyone I’ve met on the hockey team has been really nice, she admits. Especially one person.

---