Page 84 of Hockey 101

She looks up at me, her eyes dark and liquid. All I can think about is how much I care about her and how right we are for each other.

Bryce gave me that nuclear option too. But I never considered breaking up with you.

Oh, so you chose to be with me? Maybe Andy does care more than she can admit.

I try to stroke her hair, but she turns away from my touch. I still don’t understand what happened in Andy’s past to make her so wary, but I sense the pain goes way back, before Bryce.

It’s up to me to dive in first. I gently turn her cheek to face me.

I love you, Andy. It’s a relief to finally say the words, even at this tense moment.

She shakes her head. Jack, I…it’s sweet of you to say that, but…

Shit. Well, I knew a few words of affection weren’t going to change Andy’s closed-off nature. So, I backtrack. Don’t worry, you don’t have to say anything back.

Of course, she says nothing. I sigh inwardly. Okay, maybe Bryce manipulated me into coming here, trying to break us up. But what about the number he pulled on you—did he hurt you so much that you can’t trust me?

Andy shakes her head. It’s not about Bryce, it’s about how scary it was when you said the words ‘break up.’ I don’t want to feel so dependent on you, on anyone.

I wish I was as articulate as Andy. But I can only speak from the heart. Needing someone isn’t a trap. I depend on you too.

She scowls. Maybe too much. I feel like I’m bossing you around sometimes. That you’re too dependent on my opinion.

I shake my head. I don’t think that’s true. Sure, I’m easy-going, but I only take advice from people I really respect. Like you and Mats.

But is it healthy?

It’s not a one-way street. I think I help you too. I know I make her feel happier and more relaxed.

She nods. I’ve had more fun this year than all the rest of my time at Monarch. And I’m not diminishing that experience by using the word ‘fun.’ My mental health is so much better as a result.

Is there any way to reach her? Look, maybe you lost the sports editor job, but the experience lead to us finding each other. Our relationship is the thing that lasts in the end.

But my timing sucks. Andy’s at a low point right now and she isn’t listening fully. I can see her shutting down in front of me.

She twists a corner of her blanket and gazes into the distance. You’re an amazing boyfriend. You’re sweet, supportive, and very attractive.

That’s all good, right? I ask.

Yes, but you deserve the same. Right from the beginning, I felt like we didn’t match. I’m not as polished or beautiful as someone like—like Lana.

It’s astounding to me that Andy has these insecurities. Is that how you felt with your other boyfriends?

No. I’ve dated safe guys before. Relationships where I felt like I was in charge, in control. Maybe that’s why it was such a shock when Bryce broke up with me.

And you don’t feel safe with me? I ask.

Andy hesitates for a moment that feels like forever.

Physically, I’ve never felt safer. But emotionally—sometimes it feels like I’m teetering on the edge of an abyss. What I feel for you is… She keeps shaking her head, like she’s mentally rejecting every argument I’ve made. I don’t know. Deeper? Bigger? Just scarier than anything I’ve ever known.

Her words move me. I feel the same way, except my experience is all sunshine. We’re teetering on the edge of something amazing and wonderful. If she could let go and trust me, there’s no limit to what we could have together.

Have I ever done anything to make you feel like you can’t trust me?

She considers my question, then shakes her head. No, never.

Andy, I don’t know how to convince you that we’re real. You know how much I admire your smarts, your principles, and your spirit. And I’m not sure what fucked-up beauty standards you’re using, but you’re gorgeous. You glow. All those times I insisted on walking you home at night, I was worried that something would happen to you because you’re so magnetic.

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