Page 36 of Everywhere You Look

We both talk to Ollie as we walk, pointing out houses and trees and dogs that we see on the street as we make our way to Espresso Yourself, a coffee shop owned by Kira’s friend, Rachel. We stop here pretty much every morning for coffee and croissant after school drop off. There’s a mile long line when we enter the robin’s egg blue building, but Rachel spots us as soon as we walk in.

“Keeks, corner by the window. I’ll send someone over with your breakfast in a minute,” Rachel calls over. Kira lifts Ollie from her stroller and I fold it up, leaning it next to the coat rack by the door. We maneuver our way through the crowded cafe to a small round table with the high chair and the reserved sign already set up. Once we’re seated and Ollie is settled, it only takes a minute before one of the baristas is delivering our iced coffees, apple juice, and pastries.

“I love that you have friends in high places,” I say as I take an enormous bite of flaky, buttery chocolate croissant. Kira tears a blueberry muffin into bite sizedpieces, handing a few to Ollie. My baby girl mashes them in her fists before smashing them into her mouth, immediately covering herself in sugary purple goo.

“Yeah, well, your free trial period for benefitting from my social circle has come to end. And I only take payments in the form of hot gossip,” she says as she sips her cherry chai latte.

“I spend my days at home, cooking, cleaning and taking care of a baby like I’m Donna Reed in a backwards baseball cap. There is no hot gossip to tell,” I say with a laugh and a roll of my eyes.

“Uhm, excuse me Mr. Cannon, you’re married. You’re a newlywed, there should be plenty of hot gossip!”

“I’m not Mr. Cannon,” I grumble. Luke and I never circled back to the last name conversation, and at this point I’m just assuming that it’s a non issue to him. I won’t mention to him that I looked into the process and would be willing to change my name to fit in with him and the girls. “Besides, isn’t newlywed gossip, I don’t know? Completely fudging inappropriate for siblings to discuss?”

“Ew, no Dean. I don’t want to hear about the sex stuff, you sicko. I’m talking about the love stuff. Have you and your fake husband realized that you’remadly in love yet?” Kira asks, and I lean in to shush her.

“Ix-nay on the ake-fay, Keeks,” I say, looking around to see if anyone is listening. The last thing we need is anyone sniffing around about mine and Luke’s intentions for our marriage. She holds up her hands in surrender.

“Fine, fine. I heard from the twins that you and Luke are—” she looks around conspiratorially, lowering her voice to a whisper. “Sleeping in the same bed.”

Fucking tattle-tale kids. A few nights ago, Lemmie and Mellie got spooked by something and didn’t want to sleep in their own room. They slept in our bed, nestled in between me and Luke. I guess they decided that that was interesting enough news to share with my sister.

“Of course we are,” I shrug, feigning nonchalance. “We’re married.”

“So does that mean you’re…enjoying your marital benefits?”

“Eww, Kira, stop.”

“What? I’m not asking for details. I’m just curious!” She throws her hands up in surrender.

“Why? Why in the world would you be curious about…that.” My nose scrunches up and I force a gag.

“I’m not curious about the specifics of your marital benefits, Dean. I’m curious as to how long it will take for the two of you to realize that you’ve been in love with each other for years. I’m also curious to see which one of you breaks first. I’ve got a bet going on with Warren that I really don’t want to lose.”

Kira leans back in her chair, crossing her arms over her bump with a smug as hell look while I just sit there feeling…

Well. Flabbergasted.

“We’re not…I’m not…it’s not…” I stammer, trying to find the words to dispute my sister’s claim, because it’s false.

Sure, I’ve always thought Luke was attractive. Sure, that attraction has grown in the weeks since we decided to get married. Now that I know what his lips taste like and what his body feels like pressed against mine first thing in the morning. And sure, Luke is my favorite person on the planet and I’d do anything for him. He’s the first thing I think about when I wake up every day and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night.

But that doesn’t mean I’m in love with him. Luke is just…my husband.

My husband that I have an all-consuming, soul-obliterating crush on.

“Exactly. It’s been obvious for years. I’m honestly surprised you two didn’t get together last year when Luke was in recovery from his injury. You were with him that whole time, doting on him like a loving partner and helping him get back on his feet. I figured if the years of friendship weren’t enough to push you two together, surely the trauma-bonding would’ve done it.”

“Kira, it’s not…” I start, taking a second to decide how exactly I want to proceed with this conversation. I can’t lie to my sister, I can barely lie to myself. But I can skirt around the truth. I lower my voice to a whisper. “Luke and I have a set of rules for this arrangement. We’re not dating other people, and we’re not dating each other, either. The kids have to be our number one priority.”

Kira rolls her eyes so hard, I think for a second that they might get stuck like that.

“That is the thinnest excuse I’ve ever heard in my life. Adults with kids all over the world have relationships and…gasp…still manage to make their children a priority.”

“It’s so much more complicated than that, Kira.”

“Why? Seriously, tell me why. What do you have to lose? You and Luke are already as intimate as two people can be without getting it on.” She holds up her hand and starts ticking off her fingers with eachpoint she makes. “You’re best friends. You know everything about each other. You’ve helped him shower when he was injured so I know you’ve seen his goods. You’re already married and sharing a bed. What do you have to lose?”

“Everything, Keeks. Everything. I can’t…I’ve tried before. I had to get really good at pretending I didn’t have feelings for Luke, and now there are kids involved. You know how important it is that we win this custody case and make Luke’s parents go far, far away. I can’t mess it up just because I…just because I can’t stop wondering what more might feel like.”

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