Page 82 of Bianca and the Monsters

“Pennie and his pool always took care of my healing, but Nico soothed me more than anyone ever has… before you, that is.”

The embodiment of soothing—that’s Nico, at least to Bastien and me. I hold Bastien’s gaze as I think of Nico and that first morning, and every moment we shared before he was taken. My last real moment with him was when I heard about my father’s death, and in Nico’s arms, I could fall apart and know that he’d guard me and all my pieces until I found a way to be me again.

As Bastien and I share our yearning for Nico’s presence, our song becomes encompassingly tranquil, like soothing to thenthdegree. The sweet melody dancing inside us reminds me of a favorite tune, but this song is more than that. Both Bastien and I stand straighter as we sense it, exactly what’s familiar and tender, what reminds us both of Nico. The song is stronger in me than Bastien, but our connection amplifies it.

“What about Pennie?” I whisper to Bastien, while piquing Pennie’s interest.

Bastien nods his understanding and we close our eyes and center our thoughts around Pennie’s presence in our lives. I draw a sharp breath when I realize that we absolutely have a song for Pennie. It’s wicked sexy, somewhere between a deliciously dirty rock song and a timeless, crooning classic about finally finding love, driving and infinitely sensual at once.

“Archie?” Bastien says, giddy now.

We both hear it instantly and smile tearfully at each other. It’s a mashup of a college drumline and a soaring soprano from a popular musical. Our sweet Archie is one in a billion.

With a few tears racing each other down my cheeks, I tell our rapt audience, “All three of you have songs inside us. You are part of us and our forever bond. I don’t know what it means, but it’s really beautiful.”

“It is,” Pennie says, “forallof us.”

“For our family,” Archie adds gruffly, sniffling discreetly.

“Oh no…” My expression turns like milk left out of the fridge for a week, possibly a month. I point my grimace at Bastien. “We have to know.”

Mirroring my anxiousness, he asks, “Know what?”

“Remy,” I grumble.

Bastien’s distaste reigns, but he nods and we both think of Remy very briefly—incredibly briefly given we’re instantly flinching from the abrasive discordance blaring inside us like a herd of screaming gophers.

“Thank goodness.” In the dank air of our family dungeon, I know I’m not alone in feeling tremendously relieved to have that question permanently closed.

Myhangrystomach breaks through my thoughts and my monsters insist that I eat my supper. While Bastien and I dig in, Pennie and Archie finally get more comfortable in their spartan cells. Then story time begins, with Bastien and I regaling them with tales of our mission to see the queen, which elicit oneHeavens to Betsy, at least fiveOh my stars, and one breathyGoodness gracious.

When my yawns become contagious and my family orders me to rest, I snuggle into the blankets and whisper to Bastien for a few more minutes, until Pennie clears his throat and commands us to sleep. We synchronize our eye rolls, but sleep is definitely calling… though it would come easier if I were happily spooning with my monsters.

In the absence of their touch, I think about the contact I desire most, which unsurprisingly is incredibly soft fur. I imagine exactly how it would feel to be naked, cuddled against Nico, his fur brushing against my most sensitive parts. His scent enveloping me, removing every reminder of the real world as thoughheis the magical portal to a land I never want to escape.

Then I remember… that’s exactly what I wanted that first morning, to lie naked on top of him while he purred his contentment. To nap on him. To get lost in his bliss.

My mind returns to my unanswered—possibly unanswerable—question. Ishouldhave been hungover. I earned that many times over. But I woke refreshed, able to stare at the sunlight streaming through my window, its glow illuminating my now-beloved Nico.

That he cured me is the only answer that makes any sense, but how did he heal something that began before he arrived?

Again, I can almost feel my fingers running through Nico’s fur, just like they did that first morning. I met a ginormous monster in my bedroom and, maybe an hour later, I left my realm with him. Itrustedhim. From the moment I touched him, I never wanted to let go. I did… Pennie’s that kind of alluring and so is Bastien. And Archie… yes, no regrets there. I love them. I need them. But there’s something about Nico, something I can’t reach or understand yet.

I try to imagine it, Pennie coming into my house or Archie, Bastien even. Would they have convinced me to leave my world so easily? It’s not about favorites—that’s not what our family or these thoughts are about. It’s about connection. I touched Nico and felt tipsy—I’d blamed his fragrance for that. I think he did too.

But no… it was his touch.

My brain hits the knowledge speed bump a little too fast and my world is rocked.

I didn’t end my drunken packing adventure in bed. I cuddled up to my fluffy rug and called it good. But Nico would never let me sleep on the floor—princesses deserve better than that. His princess especially. So, without a thought, he gently lifted me and carried me to bed, tucking me safely under the covers. I wonder whether he kissed my forehead, but he wouldn’t have taken such a liberty without permission.

My heart squeezes, my breath shudders, and my tears fall. Nicodidheal my hangover before it took hold, because the first time he touched me, our lives changed.

After the rut, when I was aching like the bejesus, being in Nico’s arms turned the volume down on my discomfort. He didn’t heal me like a dip in Pennie’s pool; it’s more subtle than that. I doubt he even knew it was happening.

How could he?

Why would he?

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