Page 101 of Court of Lies and Deceit

“Can’tyouremove it from his chest? With your magic?”

“No. It’s impossible to even manipulate, let alone remove, an emotion that another emotion wielder has created.”

Dragging in an unsteady breath, I turn to stare at Oleander. I can create emotions, but once created, I can’t remove them? Goddess above, what a terrifying thought.

That memory slams into me again like a punch to the gut.

And suddenly, I can’t breathe.

My parents, standing there looking surprised. And then from one second to the next, resentment flashes to life in their eyes.

I run my tongue around my suddenly parched mouth. My heart is beating so hard against my ribs that I can hear the loud pounding in my ears.

What if Imademy parents hate me?

Back when I was young, when I couldn’t control my magic, it activated randomly. What if, back then, I accidentally made them resent me? And then I couldn’t remove it?

My heart is beating so fast that I feel lightheaded.

What if my parents don’t actually hate me? What if, all this time, they were just acting that cruel to me because I unwittingly created feelings of resentment in their chests?

The thought makes my head spin, and I have to grip the edge of the bench hard with my fingers to stop myself from just toppling sideways.

If I created the hatred in their chests, there will be no way to undo it, so it won’t change anything. But at the same time, it will changeeverything. Because I will know that it’s not actually real.

A small sob escapes my lips.

As soon as this is all over, I’m going to return to the Seelie Court and seek out my parents. Then I’m going to reach out with my magic and see if the flames of resentment in their chests are actually theirs, or if they have my dangerous magic all over them.

“They’ll be okay,” Jocasta says, misinterpreting my small sob as she glances between me and where Lyra and Galen are lying on the ground. “I promise, as soon as we get permission, I will take them straight to Haldia. I’ll even skip the victory presentation with the king.” Her eyes are full of gratitude as she glances at me while placing a light hand on my thigh. “You’ve made me more money today than I have ever made in my entire life. You’ve bought me life-changing freedom in this court in a way that I can’t even properly explain to an outsider. If you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask.”

Drawing in a calming breath, I push the world-altering memories and realizations and questions about my parents out of my mind. There will be time for that later. For now, there is something else I need to know.

“I have a question,” I begin hesitantly, trying to figure out how to word this without sounding like a psychopath.

She nods. “Shoot.”

“I, uhm…” I clear my throat. “When I created that flame of fear and shoved it into Oleander’s chest, I got this intense rush of… pleasure. It was so addictive that I just wanted more and more.”

Mabona’s tits, that was the best explanation I could come up with? If that doesn’t make me sound like a psycho villain, I don’t know what does.

But to my surprise, Jocasta doesn’t look at me as if I’m the King of Hell incarnate. Instead, she lets out a small breath of amusement and leans back against the wall again.

“Oh, that.” She sucks her teeth and then shrugs. “Yeah, I get that too. We all do.”

“When creating fear?”

“When creating all emotions.”

I blink at her in surprise and confusion. “Why?”

“It’s nature’s way of creating balance. Our magic is much stronger than elemental magic.” She chuckles. “Fire wielders especially will argue with you about that until the day they die if you ever mention it to them, but it’s true. They can create elements. But we canchangea person. It’s one of the most dangerous types of magic there is.”

Alistair’s nickname for me suddenly flits through my mind. Selena Soulstealer. Maybe he wasn’t all that wrong after all.

“That… makes sense,” I reply, but my brows are still furrowed as I look back at her. “But why this addictive feeling of pleasure?”

“Because that’s how emotions work.” She lifts her shoulders in a casual shrug. “Everyone is addicted to something. It could be the comforting feeling they get when they eat, or the pleasure they feel when they have sex. Some people are addicted to anger. They actively seek out things to be angry about because it gives them a sense of purpose. Some are addicted to the feeling that people have wronged them, because it makes them feel righteous. And some people are addicted to that warm feeling when someone praises them for being good because it validates their existence.”

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