Page 108 of Court of Lies and Deceit

“I don’t want your sympathy,” she says, her voice a soft snarl. “I don’t care if you understand. All I want is to paint the fucking walls with Bane and Jessina’s blood. I am going to shatter that whole fucking ice castle if it’s the last thing I do. And for that, I need Nightbane and his Unseelie Court.”

We all just stare at her in silence, unsure of what to say.

“So I don’t care if you hate me.” Her eyes are cold and hard as she looks from face to face. “Because all I have left is hatred anyway. I hate the Icehearts more than I care about you. I hate them more than I care about my own life. So I will cling to that hatred. Because without the hate, I will drown in an ocean of guilt that is so deep that I will never be able to claw my way back out again.” She forces out a long breath, her spine straight and her chin held high. “So I did what needed to be done.”

The silence that falls over the beautiful living room is so loud that it’s practically vibrating between the pale stone walls. Somewhere outside the windows, life goes on in the Unseelie Court. People are chatting, laughing, and strolling along the glittering canals. As if none of this is happening.

I swallow, trying to think of something to say. It appears as though everyone else is doing the same.

To my surprise, the one who at last replies is Draven.

“She’s right.”

Blinking, we all spin around to face him. Even Isera looks shocked for a second.

He heaves a long breath and drags a hand through his messy black hair. “Hate trumps everything. Pain, despair, heartbreak,it consumes it all. Gives you a purpose. Something to focus on.” His eyes slide to me. “It’s what I did to you when you first woke up in the Ice Palace with the collar. I tried to make you hate me so that you would focus on that instead of drowning in despair.”

My mouth drops open a little, but no sound makes it out. Because I suddenly see the truth in it. Focusing on how angry I was with him helped keep the hopelessness at bay.

A few steps away, Isera is staring at Draven, looking taken aback by the fact that he understands her feelings so well. Or that he is backing her up. Or both.

“She’s also right about the other thing,” Draven continues. “We will need the Unseelie Court if we’re going to have a chance to beat Bane and Jessina. I don’t approve of the fact that she went behind our backs to make the deal.” He cuts Isera a hard look. “But the deal is done. Now, we just need to make sure we win.”

His words send a ripple through the room, and within a matter of seconds, the vibrating tension starts dissipating again. Everyone draws in a deep breath. Both Galen and Lyra nod. Alistair scowls but bends down to pick up the teacup for Lyra again.

I watch it all, completely fascinated. With a few words and a confident tone, Draven can make people accept their new reality and start thinking about how to solve the problems instead of arguing. No wonder he did well as the Commander of the Dread Legion.

Letting out a long sigh, I try to let go of my anger and do the same. To focus on the problem at hand. Because Draven is right. The deal is done. Now, we just need to focus on figuring out how the hell we’re going to win this.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

Stars glitter in the dark blue heavens above me. Dangling my legs over the edge of the roof, I lean back on my palms and gaze up at the beautiful night sky. Warm winds ripple over the flat rooftop, making my long silver hair flutter. Even though I’m only wearing a short black nightgown and a thin silk robe, I’m not cold. We’re starting to get close to the end of spring now, and within the Unseelie Court’s wards, the temperature is even warmer.

I let out a sigh. Tilting my head back down, I stare out across the red tiled rooftops of the vast city around me. A strange sense of guilt twists in my stomach.

Draven and all of my friends are trapped in this court because they had to come here in order to save my life. That is the sole reason we went to the Unseelie Court. To save me. And since then, we have been thrown into one dangerous situation after another. Been betrayed and tricked and deceived. Gotten tortured and suffered injuries in battle.

And despite all of that, I am actuallygladthat we came here.

Because of it, I managed to find an experienced emotion magic user who could actually teach me about my powers. With Jocasta’s training, I’m stronger and more powerful than ever. Ihave also learned that my relationship with my parents might not be what I thought it was.

If we had never come here, I would have gone the rest of my life thinking that my parents genuinely hated me simply because of who I am. But now, there is hope.

And, even though I’m still pissed at Isera for gagging me and trapping me in ice, we now also have a real chance at forcing the Unseelie Court to help us take down the Iceheart Dynasty.

Coming here, to this beautiful and dangerous court, has been more important than I could ever have imagined.

Guilt twists inside me again, and I tug self-consciously at the hem of my silk robe. Everyone I care about is in danger, and we might never even make it out of this court at all, but I’m still glad we came? The memory of that burning pit of rage and hatred deep inside me, the one that I barely dare look inside, flits through my mind again. And a sudden chill rolls down my spine. Goddess above, maybe, deep down, I really am a horrible person after all.

A dark shadow shoots up through the air right in front of me.

I yelp, almost toppling backwards before I manage to brace myself on the flat roof behind me. Sitting up properly again, I shoot the shadow a mock glare and huff, “Show-off.”

Draven smirks at me. His massive black wings beat the air with a rhythmic thumping as he hovers there in front of me for another few seconds before he flies over to the edge and sits down next to me.

I scoot over, making room for his muscular body so that he doesn’t have to sit halfway outside the edge. His wings rustle as he folds them in a little more and then shifts his weight until he’s sitting comfortably. I keep my gaze on the starlit night before us while trying to push all those uncomfortable feelings from before back behind the mental walls where they belong.

Draven gives me a sidelong glance. “I thought I had exclusive rights on staring broodingly at the horizon.”

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