Page 137 of Court of Lies and Deceit

Even Alistair smiles as he follows her.

I just stand there, staring at Draven as he brushes sand off his armor.

For a second, the moment seems suspended in time.

Then Draven turns to me.

And my heart stops.

Burning hatred flares up in his eyes as his gaze meets mine.

Pain stabs at my heart, and I suck in a sharp breath. My mind is still trying to block out everything. The pain. The memories. The knowledge of what I’ve done. The implications of it. A fragile shell of glass is keeping it all back, and I’m afraid that if I breathe too deeply, it’s going to shatter and let everything in.

With my mind still a numb void, I summon my magic and reach out towards Draven. Another sharp jab of pain spears through my heart as my magic connects with a red-violet wildfire of hatred. A wildfire that has my distinctive feel to it. Hatred thatmymagic created.

My heart pounds in my ears as I try to smother that flame.

It decreases steadily at first, going from a wildfire down to a flame. But once it reaches a steadily burning flame, I can’t lower it any further.

A whimper of pain and desperation slips from my lips as I throw everything I have into trying to extinguish that flame of hatred.

But it doesn’t work.

No matter what I do, I can’t remove it.

Because I created it.

And now, it’s permanent.

A sob rips from deep within my chest, and I have to press my hand against my mouth to stop the sound of it.

All around me, the crowd is cheering and yelling in the stands. The noise of it vibrates through the packed arena like the roar of a storm. Across the sand, Isera is smirking and gloating about our victory to the Unseelie King while Lyra is laughing and telling Galen and Draven about the fight that she and Alistair were in when they were transported back.

All of them are smiling.

None of them know what I had to do to buy us this victory. What I had to sacrifice to save Draven’s life.

Because he is alive. The boulder did not crush his skull. And the portal did not kill him. Because he no longer loves me.

He hates me now.

And I can’t take it back.

Those fragile glass walls keeping everything at bay start to crack.

I suck in a gasp. Whirling around, I sprint towards the nearest exit. No one stops me. And I’m glad for it. Because if someone had, I think I might have killed them.

My vision starts to blur as I stumble through gloomy hallways until I finally reach a door. Shouldering it open, I stagger out into the deserted street outside the arena.

The sun is shining brightly down from a clear blue sky, and colorful spring flowers bloom in the ceramic pots that dot the windowsills on the other side of the street. Leaves rustle in a tree farther down the road as a gentle breeze sweeps between the houses. Across the city, the rush of the waterfalls fills the air along with birds that chirp merrily as they fly past. Water glitters in the canals. And behind me, the entire arena is still cheering.

Everyone is happy.

Everything is beautiful and bright and colorful.

But all I can see in my mind is a pair of golden eyes staring at me with utter hatred.

The glass walls shatter.

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