A raw scream tears from my throat.
My knees buckle, and I crash down on the cobblestone street. Slamming my hands into the stones before me, I scream and scream and scream until all I can taste is blood and iron and pain.
Agony carves through my chest like a burning blade. It feels as if someone has ripped my heart out. As if someone has rippedhimout.
I can still feel Draven faintly through what remains of my mate bond, but his side of it has shattered. It leaves me feeling unmoored. Untethered. As if I’m drifting, lost and alone through a vast empty universe.
Tears stream down my face as I slam my hands against the ground and scream my lungs out. Scream for broken bonds and lost love and shattered futures.
I had him. I finally had him. The missing piece of my soul. The other half of my heart. He was all mine. And now, I’ve lost him.
No. No, I haven’t lost him. I havedestroyedhim. I have ruined him. I have taken his love for me and smothered it underneath a mountain of hatred. A burning flame of hatred that doesn’t belong to him. A flame of hatred that I can’t remove. Even now, even here on this deserted street, I can feel it faintly through my side of the mate bond. Like a death blow echoing from far away.
I’ve ruined him.
I’ve ruined us.
Gasping, I try to drag air into my lungs. But I can’t breathe. A massive weight is crushing my chest and I can’t fucking breathe. Tears stream down my cheeks. I can’t move. I can’t think. Pain slashes through the torn remains of my bleeding heart.
And all around me, the world keeps on going. The sun keeps on shining. The birds keep on singing.
Rage and pain and utter devastation crash through my broken soul.
Why is the sun still shining? Why are the birds still singing? How can the world possibly keep on going after this?
But the answer comes from deep within the poisonous pits of my darkened mind.
Because I have only done what I always do.
I have ruined everything.
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
Every glance is a knife through my heart. A burst of agony that constricts my lungs and blinds my vision for a second. It’s utter torture, and I don’t know how I’m going to survive walking the final distance out of the Unseelie Court. Let alone fight the rest of this war together with him. Not when he looks at me like that.
Hatred burns in Draven’s eyes as he cuts me a glare. He’s angry about everything now. Everything I do is somehow wrong. Everything I say is stupid or annoying or unnecessary. That burning hatred in his chest tries its best to find fault in everything. In my very existence.
And on top of those hate-filled glances are the looks of worry and heartbreak I get from the rest of our friends. They know now. They know what I was forced to do in order to save Draven’s life. They pity me now. I can see it in their eyes. And I hate it, because now, just looking atthemalso reminds me ofhim.
“This is never going to work,” Orion Nightbane complains, not for the first time, as he strides along with us towards the rippling wards up ahead.
“Your confidence in us is inspiring,” Alistair drawls, strolling along next to Lyra.
Isera cuts the Unseelie King a mocking glance. “I didn’t take you for a coward.”
Lightning flashes in his eyes as he locks them on her. “I am not a coward. I am a realist. Do you actually think that you can take down the Iceheart Dynasty? There are six of you, for God’s sake!”
“There are seven of us.” A smirk tugs on Isera’s lips. “Don’t forget. You’re one of us now.”
“Malachi’s balls, don’t fucking remind me.” But he looks grudgingly impressed rather than angry as he shoots her a glare back. “However, my point still stands. We can never win a war against the entire Iceheart Dynasty. Apart from me, you have no allies.”
“We have my entire clan,” Draven says.
The sound of his voice sends a stab through my chest. Clenching my jaw, I force myself to keep my eyes on the wards ahead instead of glancing at him.
“You have one dragon clan,” Orion says, exasperation lacing his words. “They haveeight.”
“So we steal some of them back,” Lyra offers in a cheerful voice. “Recruit them to our side.”