Page 46 of Blade

My body shakes, chills running through me, knowing what I need to do, hating that I’ve been put in this position because I’m now going to be placed on watch for however long, meaning I can’t just try and kill myself again like I want.

My heart breaks. I was supposed to go to the clinic and get the pill, but Leo’s mama hit me, and he walked away, and I just, god, I was so hurt, so heartbroken that I forgot.

Oh god, no…

“I want a termination,” I demand, and the woman’s mouth opens in shock.

“Now, I have to implore that you think this through. You’ve just gone through something traumatic–” I cut her off and state, “I tried to kill myself because I couldn’t go on living with the fact my brother’s best friend raped me daily since I was thirteen. What makes you think I can live with having a child that could be his and not my ex-boyfriends?”

Wait, could I class Leo as an ex-boyfriend?

Maybe ex-screw buddy?

Crap.

The doctor looks down, knowing there is nothing she can say in this situation where she could change my mind. I’m only three weeks, so the baby won’t have a heartbeat yet, and now would be the best time to go through with it.

I can’t risk it being his baby, I can’t risk hating it, I just can’t because then I’d hate myself even more, and I’m already struggling as it is.

I failed by not completing my task. I won’t fail this baby by being born with the chance of having his genes.

“You’ll have to speak with our in-house trauma therapist,” the doctor says, and I try not to start laughing like a maniac at the irony of the situation. “That is non-negotiable,” she continues, and I just nod. She sighs and stands and says, “We’ll also have to admit you to our psych ward for three weeks because you have made it clear this was not accidental. And with your traumatic past that you have, I believe this is something you are going to try again and again until you succeed so some time here would be best for you, and after the three weeks we can discuss your options again regarding the termination.”

I don’t argue with her. Instead, I turn my head and slowly close my eyes for a moment, trying my hardest not to burst into tears.

“I also have to inform you,” she begins again, and I turn and look at her. Sympathy and pain shine as she admits, “We ranseveral tests over the three days you were unconscious, and you have severe scarring to your tissue and vaginal walls along with extensive scarring to your womb. If you were to keep the baby, it isn’t just the trauma of pumping your stomach that is risking your pregnancy but also the trauma that your body has been put through over the years.”

“And if I decide to terminate?” I question, already seeing where she’s going with this.

“If you decide to terminate the pregnancy, there is no guarantee that you’ll be able to conceive again, let alone carry to term. This may be your only chance if you try and see it through, which I can understand the difficulty with that decision.”

I nod, trying not to scream at her because she doesn’t understand, no one does. Instead, though, I allow my tears to fall. The news just cements my need to end it all.

Brock didn’t just ruin my childhood. He also destroyed my life and a chance for a family.

Chapter 18

Blade

I grunt as I lift the exhaust of the Rover up while Fury does the bolts up. Sweat drips down my brow, and my tank sticks to my back, but I ignore it, concentrating on not dropping this fucking thing.

I could have used something to hold it in place like wire or shit, but honestly, this way, I can focus on the task at hand instead of obsessing where in the fuck Luna is and how different I should have handled the fucking situation when she showed up here, clearly needing my help.

The more I think about it, the more I see the little details I missed because of betrayal and anger.

More makeup than normal, sweats, sadness in her eyes, the defeat. I fucked up, and now I can’t find her, and I feel like I can’t fucking breathe because I had no idea how much she burrowedinto my heart. As the days go by without her in my arms, I feel like I’m fucking losing myself.

Where the fuck is she?! Three weeks and fucking nothing!

I’m going insane not being able to find her, and then there’s the shit with her brother and his club.

He keeps trying to call, demanding his sister while attacking the club’s businesses and my employees, to the point some have quit.

I’m ready to explode, and the brothers are tense, waiting for it.

“Done,” Fury grunts, and I drop my arms, sighing with the weight off my shoulders before I move from underneath the car on the lift and go over to the buttons to lower it and check to ensure we fit it correctly.

“Hey Blade,” Fury begins as the lift stops, and I grunt back, “If it’s about Luna, then no.”

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